On ''Laguna Beach,'' Talan half-heartedly asks Kristin to go to the senior formal; Jason takes new kid Cami, then ditches her to ''mack'' with Alex M.

By Timothy Gunatilaka
Updated October 11, 2005 at 04:00 AM EDT
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”Laguna Beach”: The worst prom dates ever

Prom has arrived, and with it, that moment when some relationships are consummated for keeps, while others reach their resolution. LC and Stephen? The bond seems stronger than we ever thought. Kristin and Talan? Not so much. (Cedric and yours truly? I’ve never liked the guy more in my life.) Stephen announced to LC that he’s staying in SoCal for good; meanwhile, the negativity from both Talan and Kristin about going to prom together was shocking. Regardless of whether Talan and Kristin really liked each other, seeing how forced he seemingly felt about asking her out was unfortunate. Sure these kids agreed to appear on reality TV, but it’s just not fair for the show to dictate how they should live their lives.

I kinda miss last year’s prom episode. The elaborate proposals seemed much more genuine. Dieter’s sad attempts to hang up the too short sign for Jess? Charming. Talan reluctantly standing behind a garage door? Um, okay. (BTW, garage doors mean true love.) There was something largely uninspired and forced about the proposals made throughout this episode — even by Laguna standards. Talan was surprisingly indifferent about asking Kristin to prom. ”It’d be kinda funny if I didn’t!” he said, before asking his fiery-haired ”friend” Jake about asking Taylor. Huh? If Talan’s so ambivalent about Kristin, how come he didn’t mind his pal taking Taylor? Of course, we never found out.

Also, there were way too many ”How’s it going with [boy/girl]?” talks this week. Cami, Cedric, Jake the Firemop, and, of course, the champ of scripted queries, Alex H., were in rare form this week. And how many times would we have to hear Alex H. and Kristin complain about the possibility of not being asked? Seriously? If you don’t shut up, girls, then I’m taking you to prom. How’d you like that? I got me one of those garage doors too, ya know. That said, props must go to one of the more inspired moments: Taylor’s Acura was towed, and then Jake suddenly swooped in. Congrats, Tay, you’ve been punk’d by Carrot Top. We got cameras there, there, and (see behind that tree?) right there too! Oh boy, and Cedric getting his hair highlighted with Alex M. at the salon? Golden. Literally.

Meanwhile, Jason seemingly returned from hibernation (did he get hairier?) for this special prom ep. I mean, you can’t expect him to appear every week. Thirty-five-year-olds gotta work for a living. But it’s just too bad we missed his prom proposal to the ”sophomore” Cami (who?):

Jason: Um…

Cami: Hi, I’m Cami.

Jason: Like…

Cami: I’m a sophomore.

Jason: Well…

Cami: What are you trying to ask me?

Jason: Bah…

Cami: Are you asking me what I think you are?

Jason: Moo…

Cami: Omigod! I’d love to go to prom with you!

So apparently Jason was going with Cami. But first thing’s first, Cami, joined by fellow sophomore Kyndra, needed consent from Jason’s last victim. It also seems the two sophs are quite the huggy pals with Alex M. and Taylor. ”I could care less about Jason,” declared Alex M. to Cami’s inquiry: Good for her. At least, for the time being. For it was too tragic to see poor ”sophomore” Cami vainly awaiting her date’s return in the limo, while the boy was ”macking” with Alex M. ”Been there, done that,” said Alex later. ”Now it’s out of my system.” Yeah, right, liar. More egregious than Alex’s justification, however, was Kristin’s criticism: ”That’s kinda rude.” Thanks, Kristin. Why don’t you stop playing lollipop suck face with Jeff while Jess stands by — only then can you pass judgment. Fortunately, after all this came perhaps the most elating LB moment since LC battled the pesky jigsaw puzzle.

Cedric: Who’d you hook up with?

Jason: Alex.

Talan: Hoooooo.

Cedric and Talan: Whaaaaaaa! [High five.]

And I thought Stephen’s nonverbal communications were something special! I’m sorry, but my recap can’t do this scene justice. I can’t accurately describe how wonderful the sounds the boys unleashed for our enjoyment were. Nor can I exactly express how elated I was. Am. Nor should I admit how many times I watched that moment over and over and over….I just don’t think I’m ready to move on. I love TiVo. (Whaaaaaaa!)

Meanwhile, we’ve got ourselves a new Jess for next season. And by that I mean that Cami is a blind dimwit whom someone needs to sit down and tell there are guys far better than Jason out there for her. (Hi, Cami, I’m Tim.) Indeed, Cami, you’re the one who was punk’d. You thought Jason asked you out, but he was really aiming to get with Alex M. But it seems Cami wasn’t the only one having a bad prom. ”Kristin’s really pissing me off right now,” seethed Talan. ”I’m really over it.” And for all her cursory fretting about whether Talan would ask her out at the start of the episode, Kristin didn’t seem to care much for the boy by the end, actually hoping that Talan pulled a Jason on her: ”I hope he hooked up with someone. That relationship needs to be over.” Sucks when TV execs determine your prom date, doesn’t it? Whaaaaaaa!

What do you think? How much did MTV pay for those elaborate prom proposals? Did any of you enjoy the same kind of extravaganzas? (If so, then congrats.) And who took a bite out of Casey’s prom dress? Finally, Jason and LC next week? Did I just taste bile in my mouth?

Laguna Beach

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