The 10 hottest topics for the week of October 14, 2005

By Dalton Ross
October 07, 2005 at 04:00 AM EDT

Dalton Ross’s Hit list for the week of October 14, 2005

1. AMERICAN IDOL‘S CONSTANTINE MAROULIS TO STAR IN ABC PILOT The smoldering rocker was a natural fit for the sitcom, now operating under the working title I’m No Bo Bice.

2. STUDY SHOWS THAT CLOWNS EASE ANXIETY IN YOUNG SURGERY PATIENTS The study also reported that doctors were ”opposed to continuing the program because of perceived interference with the procedures of the operating room.” Evidently, goosing the anesthesiologist doesn’t go over so hot.

3. ASHLEE SIMPSON AGREES TO PERFORM AGAIN ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE Or: Saturday Night Live…Maybe?

4. BRAD AND JENNIFER PUT HOUSE ON THE MARKET FOR $28 MILLION The money can in no way undo the pain of a broken marriage. But it will buy a fleet of Jet Skis, and that’s not so shabby.

5. CHARGED WITH PIRATING REVENGE OF THE SITH, EIGHT PEOPLE ARE Prison time, they may receive. Someone’s jailhouse bee-yotch, they shall become. Annoying, constantly talking like Yoda is.

6. JOHNNY CARSON’S TONIGHT SHOW DESK TO BE SOLD Meanwhile, fellow late-night sensation Rick Dees has announced he’ll sing ”Disco Duck” anytime, anywhere, for a burger and fries.

7. PARIS HILTON CALLS OFF ENGAGEMENT Frankly, I don’t think anyone saw this coming.

8. THE SWEDISH CHEF GETS HIS OWN POSTAGE STAMP But don’t you need to be American to get your own stamp? And is this how we reward people for chasing chickens around with a meat cleaver? What kind of message are we sending here?

9. ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT: SEASON TWO ON DVD Apparently, we are required by law to pimp this show every week somewhere in the mag. This is simply my slot in the rotation.

10. LANCE BASS MUM ON FUTURE ‘N SYNC PLANS And stay mum.

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