The latest issue of Empire, the British movie magazine, has a list of the Worst Sex Scenes of All Time. Elizabeth Berkley’s flop-like-a-fish swimming pool tryst with Kyle MacLachlan in Showgirls gets top (dis)honors. ”It’s supposed to be the best sex in the world but, as Berkley thrashes around in the water, it looks more like the first ten minutes of Jaws,” the magazine explains. (By the way, starting Oct. 15, New Yorkers can see Showgirls re-enacted by sock puppets. Sock Puppet Showgirls creator John Shaterian tells New York magazine that the scene singled out by Empire is the puppet show’s highlight, though he admits, ”It’s close to impossible to mimic pool sex — especially with socks.”)

No. 2 on Empire’s list is Jeremy Irons and Juliette Binoche’s painful-looking, head-banging-on-the-floor scene in Damage, followed by Heather Graham and Joseph Fiennes in the little-seen Killing Me Softly, Madonna and Willem Dafoe in Body of Evidence, and anything with Kathleen Turner in Crimes of Passion.

Agree? Disagree? Which movie sex scenes make you go ”Eww!” instead of ”Ooh”?