The 10 hottest topics for the week of October 7, 2005
1 THE O.C. TO BECOME MOBILE VIDEOGAME Force Marissa to cry: Get 100 points. Get punched out by Ryan: 200 points. Track down and kill Oliver from season 1: Win the game!
2 WARREN BEATTY FEUDS WITH GOV. SCHWARZENEGGER ”Arnold had his spokesperson call me a crackpot, and that was a mistake,” said Beatty in a speech. Not as big a mistake as Ishtar or Dick Tracy, perhaps, but a mistake nonetheless.
3 EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS BEATS JOEY IN THE RATINGS Well, if they hate Chris, then what’s the word for how they feel about Joey? Abhor? Execrate? Oh, wait — I got it! Pity.
4 NELLY TO STAR IN OWN REALITY SHOW ”I look forward to showing my fans what my world is about,” he said. Fine, but unless your world involves steroids and a lesbian porn star, we’re sticking with Bonaduce.
5 STAR WARS NAMED AFI’S GREATEST FILM SCORE EVER Among the tracks: ”Main Title,” ”Imperial Attack,” and ”Stop Whining About Your Damn Power Converters and Go Kill Someone.”
6 GARY HOGEBOOM’S COVER IS BLOWN AS A FORMER NFL QB ON SURVIVOR Hey, if I had a 71.9 quarterback rating and had tossed 60 interceptions, I’d lie too.
7 SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS OUT ON DVD…AGAIN ”Kill, Rudolph! Kill them all!!!”
8 JOHN O’HURLEY DEFEATS KELLY MONACO IN DANCING REMATCH So, what irrelevant injustice can we find to get all worked up about now that this piece of nonsense has finally been settled? Marty losing to J.D., perhaps?
9 BRUCE WILLIS ATTENDS DEMI’S WEDDING Awwwkward!
10 TYRA BANKS HAS SONOGRAM ON TALK SHOW TO PROVE HER BREASTS ARE REAL ”By no means am I saying that a breast implant is a bad thing, but it’s not a choice that I made,” said Tyra, who neglected to mention that she’s freakin’ stacked.