I’m starting two support groups here at PopWatch today: one for fans of HBO’s tragically cancelled The Comeback and the other for folks who happened to tune in to today’s breast-themed episode of The Tyra Banks Show. If you were lucky enough to miss the emotionally deadening hour of television, here’s the episode’s dueling lowlights:

-Very special guest Anna Nicole Smith discussed her various implant sizes through the years. An early C-cup implant ”made my nipples point downward,” Anna announced; she then used a variety of sound effects and hand gestures to signify her cleavage growth over the past decade. (I inserted my own sound effect too — the one of me throwing up in my mouth).

-After clearing all the men from the audience, Tyra removed her bra to show her natural sag, then tearfully submitted to a touch test and a sonogram from Dr. Garth Fisher, who declared: ”Tyra Banks has natural breasts.” I guess that clears it up for the seven or so Americans who’ve been lying awake at night worrying about the authenticity of Tyra’s ta-tas.

Did you catch today’s Tyra? Is your therapist’s appointment more than 24 hours away? It’s okay, I’ll hold you while you let it all out. Just try not to get tears all over your keyboard.