David Spade makes five promises to you. His new ''Showbiz Show'' won't believe the hype -? unless it's about Adam Sandler

Back in his SNL days, David Spade skewered celebs but good with his ”Hollywood Minute” segment. (On Eddie Murphy: ”Look, children, it’s a falling star! Make a wish.”) Now he’s giving A- to Z-listers new reason to duck and cower: The Showbiz Show With David Spade, a weekly Comedy Central series he’s hosting in a very un-Entertainment Tonight way. ”It’s The Daily Show meets Weekend Update meets Who’s the Boss?,” sums up Spade. Before his big debut, the snide anchor dropped these five promises on us.

1. I promise not to believe all celebrities when they say their movie is good. When Jamie Foxx says Stealth was ”fun,” that might be code for ”run.”

2. I promise to cover Tom and Katie’s wedding. It’s going to be great. I’ve already seen the script.

3. I promise to cover Jessica Alba. Literally. 24/7. She can call the cops all she wants.

4. I promise to find out what kind of overdose you have to have to be diagnosed with ”exhaustion.”

5. I promise not to make fun of Adam Sandler, so I can still have a side career in the movies.