Advertisement

1. OMAROSA TO BE A CORRESPONDENT AT MRS. AMERICA PAGEANT On the one hand, it makes sense in that she’s a former beauty contestant. On the…well, actually, there is no other hand. It was diagnosed as crazy and sent off to a mental institution.

2. PUNKY BREWSTER STAR SOLEIL MOON FRYE HAS BABY GIRL Just don’t let her ever play hide-and-seek in an abandoned refrigerator. I saw that happen to some stupid kid on TV once.

3. ROCK STAR: A NIGHT AT THE MAYAN THEATRE CD TO BE RELEASED Sorry, Rock Star: A Night at the Mayan Theatre, but you’re just not right for my CD player…a Yamaha.

4. CLAY AIKEN MOVING BACK TO NORTH CAROLINA A perfect match, seeing as the state’s motto, ”Esse quam videri” (”To be rather than to seem”), is as nebulous as his popularity.

5. NFL SEASON BEGINS Oh, just give the Pats the trophy already.

6. REUNION PREMIERES ON FOX If you host a reunion and no one attends, does it still count as a reunion? A question worth asking, seeing as this is going up against CSI and The Apprentice.

7. GIRLS GONE WILD: AMERICA UNCOVERED AND GIRLS GONE WILD: BEACH BABES 3 BOTH AVAILABLE ON DVD Hmmm, decisions, decisions…

8. PRESIDENT SAPARMURAT NIYAZOV BANS LIP-SYNCHING IN TURKMENISTAN Updated Ashlee Simpson tour schedule: Sept. 12 — Uzbekistan; Sept. 14 — Kazakhstan, Sept. 16 — Turkmenistan [CANCELED!]; Sept. 17 — wherever my daddy tells me to play.

9. HOLLAND AIRS REALITY SHOW WHERE WOMAN CHOOSES A SPERM DONOR Updated Backstreet Boys tour schedule: Sept. 14 — Duluth, Minn.; Sept. 16 — Des Moines; Sept. 18 — Amsterdam (JUST ADDED!); Sept. 19 — any place with five microphones.

10. SLASH AND DUFF SUE AXL I love that the word sue is the only real name in that entire item.

Comments