As April ponders whether to target the other alliance or to take out sneaky James, we list some simple changes we'd like to see on ''Big Brother''
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Credit: Big Brother 6: Cliff Lipson
Big Brother

”Big Brother”: How we would change the show

Dear Julie,

Wilma Flintstone wants her necklace back.

Sincerely,

Lynette

Okay, I think the tie-breaker questions are crap. They didn’t really bug me when Janelle won, but they’re bugging me now (and so do many other things, but more on that later).

So is it time to say buh-bye to the sovereign team? Maybe, maybe not. While vengeance has driven the last several nominations, April could finally surprise us and steer clear of Howie and Janelle next Tuesday. She proved her power to surprise us last week when she sat there and took that verbal abuse from Howie. (She surprised me some more by seeming to forgive him on the feeds.) She surprised me when she and Jen were secretly plotting to take out Ivette. (And surprised me some more by completely flipping on what could have been her smartest move yet.) Obviously I’m hoping she’s left her biggest surprise until now — making good on her early plans to break up the last remaining team, Ivette and Beau.

Trouble is, that puts off an even bigger problem that needs to be addressed — getting rid of that crafty little twerp James, who just happens to be the best player in the game. Hate him or hate him, you gotta respect the guy. He hides nothing. Everyone acknowledges how he’s playing both sides, but two seconds later they’re back to bagging on Busto or calling Janelle a nasty ‘ho. Half the time I even forget James is there because I’m so wrapped up in the drama, which is exactly what that little ”loss prevention manager” is going for. James even said it last night — ”I need to continue the hate” — which is why I fully expect him to remind April of Howie and Janelle’s misdeeds so she’ll nominate the duo next week.

I’d write more about the ”strategical” goings on, but honestly, I wasn’t half as intrigued by April’s HOH win last night as I was by the latest America’s Choice, Seriously, weren’t you half expecting Maggie to say she’d just looooovvve a call from Eric? Not that she’ll ever win, nor will Ivette, April, Beau, or Janelle. This, I believe, is Howie’s turn to shine — not that I’m looking forward to that snoozer of a moment when he finally gets the call. Why can’t America choose the next HOH?

That’s not the only thing I’d like to see different. Now that we’re halfway through the season, I’ve already got plenty of suggestions for those cute little BB producers, who I’m convinced read your every word on the message boards. Besides the obvious (bring back the old music, and for God’s sake stop with those incessant air-filling questions by ol’ Jules), here’s what I’d like to see changed:

I wish that someone would hang a sign at the exit to the house that says, ”Put your bag down right next to the door,” so we don’t have to listen to Julie repeat herself week after painful week.

I wish that BB would shake up the food competition and give the losers something far more fattening — Spam maybe, or rolls of Pillsbury dough — so we can enjoy the added thrill of their ever-growing girth.

I wish that BB would stop setting back the gays a good 50 years by casting only finger-snapping stereotypes who have nothing interesting to say.

I wish more of those goodbye videos featured out-of-left-field testimonials like the one we got last night from Ivette (however inexplicable her attack on Rachel may have seemed).

I wish those obligatory opening statements for all ceremonies were dropped for good. (”This is the veto ceremony.” No, really? And here I’m thinking the United Nations was about to convene.)

I wish someone would explain why each houseguest has a new outfit for every eviction ceremony.

I wish CBS.com would no longer take questions from viewers and pass them on to houseguests, because clearly they are no better than what the Chen-o-matronic could come up with herself.

So what do you want to see changed? Who do think will be nominated by April? And are you ready to predict the winner?

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Big Brother
Big Brother

Julie Chen hosts as the houseguests battle it out.

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