The 10 hottest topics for the week of August 26, 2005

By Dalton Ross
August 19, 2005 at 04:00 AM EDT

Dalton Ross’s Hit List for the week of August 26, 2005

1 THE ROLLING STONES TEAM UP WITH MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Not only will the band provide music and video footage throughout the season, but Keith Richards will also debut his sassy new touchdown dance, the Skeletor Shuffle.

2 BILL CLINTON’S FAVORITE TUNES TO BE RELEASED ON CD COLLECTION Do I smell a ”Thong Song” comeback?

3 FORMER DALLAS COWBOYS QB GARY HOGEBOOM TO COMPETE ON SURVIVOR: GUATEMALA I would say he could go deep in this game and win, but then again, neither of those things was ever his specialty.

4 OZZY OSBOURNE ANNOUNCES THIS WILL BE HIS LAST FULL OZZFEST TOUR At least I think that’s what he announced. Honestly, I can’t understand a single word that dude says.

5 ELLEN DEGENERES TO MC EMMY AWARDS AGAIN How does that fish song go again? ”Just keep hosting. Just keep hosting.”

6 ANGELINA JOLIE MADE CITIZEN OF CAMBODIA She said she was honored and planned to continue her environmental efforts, in addition to stealing as many of the country’s married men as possible.

7 CREATORS OF TV SHOW MILLION DOLLAR IDEA SUE SIMON COWELL AND ABC FOR ALLEGEDLY PLANNING PROGRAM WITH THE EXACT SAME CONCEPT AND NAME It’s starting to sound a lot more like a 10-cent idea to me — split two ways.

8 NEW JACK CITY ON DVD File under: Judd Nelson — last known sighting.

9 WOMAN DROPS 37 POUNDS ON MCDONALD’S-ONLY DIET What they’re not telling you is that Mayor McCheese secretly performed gastric bypass surgery on her before the final weigh-in. And Grimace rigged the scale. . .just in case.

10 THE 40 YEAR-OLD VIRGIN OPENS It’s a movie for people who love comedy, as well as anyone who has ever dressed up as a Vulcan.

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