Just a week after being voted back in the ''Big Brother'' house, the King puts his trust in Jennifer and is evicted again; plus, Howie goes Ape
Big Brother

”Big Brother”: Kaysar gets replayed

These are the three things I learned about Howie this week:

1. He has eight and three-quarters fingers.

2. He has a surprising mean streak.

3. He has an uncanny ability to read America’s mind.

Seriously, Howie, how did you know that I and about 13 million other Big Brother watchers were boiling after Saturday’s veto competition? Obviously you suspected something, which is why you completely let loose on April for practically two days straight. (What can I say? I know because I finally broke down and subscribed to the live feeds.) Now, at one point during last night’s broadcast, I started to actually feel sorry about the verbal abuse that April was enduring, but then I kicked myself and called myself a fatty (because my husband, unfortunately, is not). I didn’t threaten to cut up my cat and turn him into a pizza, but I stayed pretty firm with myself. Really, how bad could it be with Howie, Ape? Calling your husband a fatty and threatening to slice up Pepperoni is nothing compared to the kind of ethnocentric crap you and Ivette have been dishing out behind Kaysar’s back. That alone warrants a serious bitch slapping — and not just from Howie. Then you had the gall to say how Kaysar’s nomination was a group decision, and yet you denied doing anything wrong when Howie started his attack. And then you remained at the table while Howie droned on. You took it. Like a dumb, helpless animal. You actually took it. Get up, go get a drink, go powder that fake-looking nose. Just do…something!

From what I gather from the feeds, Howie’s diatribe was a heckuva lot more personal than what we saw on the broadcast, but even if BB ran the unedited version, I probably wouldn’t have changed my opinion about the friendsheep and Jen’s surprise about-face after the HOH competition. Howie’s more personal insults, in fact, weren’t the only things that happened this week that did not make it into last night’s show. I’m talking about the banner that flew over the house. It’s been several years since a rabid fan has made the effort to rent a sky sign, but the friendsheep finally drove someone to do it for about two hours Wednesday. Since I live only minutes from the BB house in Studio City, I had the distinct pleasure to see it with my own eyes: ”J-Blo and Yapril: America Wants Your DOR.” Now for the uninformed — and those who have never seen An Officer and a Gentleman — DOR is an acronym for the military term ”drop on request,” meaning ”resign voluntarily.” (In the movie, the sergeant keeps yelling it at Mayo while he’s doing sit-ups.) Howie reportedly demanded April’s DOR during one of his tirades. As for the use of the nickname J-Blo, all I can do is rely on what the chat rooms say about how Jen once talked about her false reputation in high school. (We try to keep it kinda clean here, so that’s all I’ll say.) And I think we all get Yap-ril, though I prefer her chat-room nickname, Ape.

Anyway, the plane’s intended purpose to stir up the house was not a success; from what I gather, only Maggie saw the banner before Big Brother shooed everyone inside. Too bad. The friendsheep could have seen just how intuitive Howie really is. America does want your DOR, April. We wouldn’t mind it from Jen, Ivette, and Beau, either.

Which brings me to Maggie. Do I forgive her for putting up my beloved Kaysar two weeks ago? Hell, no. Do I wish I could be in the room when she sees Eric’s wife for the first time after appearing with him on Big Brother? Hell, yes. But I have to wonder whether Maggie is starting to regret the little alliance she’s made with those mouthy hens. From what I can see on the feeds, she’s largely stayed out of the vicious trash talk that Ivette and April are so quick to get into and has kept her anger in check over the last 48 hours. Maybe she’s scared. Maybe she knows that Jen’s huge betrayal was a really bad move. Or maybe she’s just realizing that jelly isn’t really a fruit, which is why she’s gaining so much weight. I dunno; I just sense that Maggie will be the first to break from that clan.

And now, Janelle’s glorious nominations. Once I got past my surprise over how many uses of the word ”bitch” were allowed to run in last night’s broadcast, I literally screamed when Janelle won HOH. So what if her hair is made of polyester like Beau says? All I know is that I totally dig this girl’s chess game, on and off the board. (I especially loved the way she glared at April while calmly filing her nails. Damn, woman!) Still, I was a wee bit surprised that Maggie went up instead of April, but that’s obviously the result of lingering resentment for Maggie’s previous moves. I do believe Jen is the ultimate (and deserving) target.

And finally, Kaysar. Lets give the guy a hand for acting so graciously all the way to the end, for thanking us Americans (awwww!) for voting him back in last week and apologizing for giving up the HOH to Jen. Because as much as I adore that man, he blew it big time by trusting that troll. It is, after all, still a game of lying and cheating. Kaysar knows that. And yet he never once lost his cool. Sure he got angry and interrogated Jen about her motives, but he never blew a gasket. What an amazingly decent guy. Seriously, that dude has no business playing this game.

The house will be participating in a special veto competition on Friday morning, so once again I ask the feed hounds to keep the rest of us updated. (Special shout-out to those who kept us in the loop last week.) In the meantime, I hope Howie gives his temper a rest. As much as I enjoyed his outburst — who didn’t laugh during that broadcast? — he’s creating a big ol’ target on his back, and frankly, he’s freaking out Rachel.

Man, what a week. Other BB fans remind me that the last time things got this ugly and divided in the house was the year Will won. I didn’t watch that season, so this childish venom is all new to me. And kinda thrilling, actually.

So what do you think? Was Howie completely out of line? Does Jen deserve to go before Maggie? Has everyone been taking James for granted?

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Big Brother
Big Brother

Julie Chen hosts as the houseguests battle it out.

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