One newspaper critic wrote of The Dukes of Hazzard that ”you can feel yourself getting stupider” while you watch the new movie. Maybe that explains the generally uninspired headlines topping many of this weekend’s reviews of the film:

‘Hazzard’ pay:
Arizona Daily Star: ‘Dukes’ hazardous to your IQ
Cleveland Sun: ‘Hazzard’-ous condition
St. Paul Pioneer Press: Hazzard play
South Florida Sun-Sentinel: How bad? Hazzard a guess

Whistling Dixie:
New York Post: Southern Comfort
Philadelphia Inquirer: Hillbilly romp runs out of gas pretty quickly
Dallas Observer: White Trash

Crash course:
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: ‘Dukes’ update is a shiny package that crashes hard
Village Voice: Crash and Burn: Inanimate Dukes Update Salutes Idiocy

Just a good ol’ headline:
Charlotte Observer: Not-so-good ol’ boys
USA Today: ‘Dukes’ is good ol’ barnyard fun

Reviewing Jessica Simpson’s shorts:
New York Times: Where the Shorts are Short and the Drivers are Reckless
Boston Globe: Skimpy acting exposes weak ‘Dukes of Hazzard’
Minneapolis Star Tribune: ‘Hazzard’ plot is itty-bittier than a pair of Daisy Dukes
Atlanta Journal-Constitution: Not even Jessica’s Daisy Dukes can save ‘Hazzard’

Not even trying:
Washington Post: ‘Dukes of Hazzard’: Just Enjoy The Ride

The original sucked too:
Seattle Post-Intelligencer: Remake of ‘Dukes’ is faithful to its namesake and just as low-brow lame

Best unexpected literary reference:
New York Daily News: A Confederacy of Dunces

addCredit(“Dukes of Hazzard: Sam Emerson”)