R. Kelly

Are you living a secret life? Nodding along blankly by the water cooler while your coworkers discuss the intricate details of R. Kelly’s ”Trapped in the Closet,” because, shamefully, you still haven’t carved 15 minutes out of your busy schedule to soak up the entire ”urban opera”? Tsk, tsk. Sounds like maybe you could use the official Trapped in the Closet Cliffs Notes.

In addition to providing character descriptions, plot summaries for all five chapters, and a handy ”sex map,” the Cliffs Notes also include a glossary to help you translate terms such as ”Baby, you gonna be breathless,” into the less slangy ”I am going to beat you until you are dead.”

Perhaps most importantly, though, the Notes offer up insightful commentary about the opus’ rich subtext. Dazzle your friends and neighbors when you casually explain how, ”Sylvester is both repulsed and intrigued by Rufus’s affair with Chuck; just as Rufus saw elements of himself in Sylvester, Sylvester clearly sees parallels to his own situation in Rufus and Chuck’s romance.” It’ll sure beat mumbling into your coffee mug.