Here’s what I imagine is on Martha Stewart’s agenda today, as she marks her 64th birthday:

– Open presents; pulp wrapping paper to make stationery.
– Read that Wall Street Journal article about the current slump of Mark Burnett (Rock Star: INXS, The Contender); mull whether to replace him (as producer of both the forthcoming daytime show Martha and the primetime Apprentice spinoff) with Jerry Bruckheimer
– Try to come up with additional promos for Martha that are as funny and self-deprecating as the cow clip and butterfingers clip on display here.
– Decorate ankle bracelet with festive crepe paper.
Find 150 women named ”Martha Stewart” to fill audience of Martha; decide whether that’s enough clones for the next phase of plan for World Domination.