If you’re at all like me, you’ll watch pretty much anything broadcast execs serve up in August just to stay out of the heat and humidity. But looking at the freaky slate of reality programs they’re planning to serve up over the next 30 days is enough to make me consider drastic alternatives. Like, I don’t know, reading a book. Or trying to prepare a home-cooked meal. Or having a conversation during dinner (and not just when the commercials come on).

How bad are things about to get? Check out the five program concepts below, and try to guess which two are fakes. Get the answers after the jump!

1) A 1970s rock idol takes a position as a classical music teacher, then tries to get his students to start a rock band.

2) Fifteen C-list celebrities tackle brutal tasks like cleaning public bathrooms, working at a landfill, and grooming zoo animals — all in an effort to win $100,000 and a starring role in a fall TV pilot.

3) The spawn of the rich and famous are put to work rounding up livestock.

4) Thirty-two of your favorite reality show contestants don Speedos and sweatsuits to compete in a series of physical challenges including a joust, a kayak race, and even a tug-of-war.

5) A game show that pits real-life forensic examiners against each other in a battle to name the species, cause of death, or time of death using only animals’ body parts or organs in varying states of decomposition.

Answers after the jump…

ANSWERS: 1) Rock School premieres on VH1 on Aug. 19; 2) FAKE; 3) Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive hits E! on Aug. 7; 4) Battle of the Network Reality Stars comes to Bravo on Aug. 17; and 5) FAKE.