By Michael Slezak
Updated July 22, 2005 at 05:40 PM EDT
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That sound you heard all week was a thousand movie critics sharpening their knives, preparing to slaughter The Island, the latest big-budget actioner from director Michael Bay (Armageddon, Pearl Harbor). Surprisingly enough, though, a few of them actually warmed up to the critical whipping post’s futuristic tale about human clones trying to escape their fates as organ donors. And just as opinions on The Island were mixed, so were the quality of movie-review headlines that accompanied them. Here’s the best and worst of the bunch:

Best Pun
The Arkansas Democrat: Clone life to live

Best Pun Using Director’s Name
South Carolina’s The State: Keep logic at Bay: Just enjoy the fireballs

Pun That Doesn’t Make Much Sense as a Review Headline
Edmonton Sun: No man is an island

Most Damning Praise
North County Times: ‘Island’ is big, loud and dumb, but tons of fun

Most Unpleasant Image
The Arizona Republic: Sea of carnage makes ‘Island’ unreachable

But How Did You Really Feel? Award (a three-way tie)
Philadelphia Inquirer: A bleak picture (and dumb, too)
The Star-Ledger: One long, noisy set of ad placements
Hartford Advocate: Michael Bay runs another good idea into the ground

Special Prize for Use of the Word ‘Amok’
Rocky Mountain News: Action Runs Amok on ‘The Island’

Most Likely to Be Confused With a College Thesis:
San Francisco Chronicle: Journey to ‘Island’ means deep questions, car chases and cool explosions can coexist

Most Likely to Be Confused With an Ad Soundbite
Asheville Citizen-Times: ‘The Island’ a slick, fast-paced spectacular – a blast to watch

addCredit(“The Island: Doug Hyun”)

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