July 19, 2005 at 07:56 PM EDT

I ooh and ahh on cue when they work the red carpet wearing 20 pounds of borrowed Harry Winston jewels. I don’t raise an eyebrow when they pull down $10 million to $20 million per movie (even the lousy ones). But I’ve got to draw the line somewhere when it comes to celebrity fabulosity, and I think a college course devoted to teaching kids how to stuff goodie bags to Lindsay Lohan’s exacting specifications is a good place to start.

Yep, make sure your breakfast is way down the digestive tract before you read the New York Post‘s feature (registration required) about Fashion Institute of Technology’s four-part ”The Art of the Goodie Bag,” dissecting those product-filled pouches given to stars just for showing up to events such as Sundance, the Grammys, even Live 8 (which apparently rewarded performers with $4,000 in swag).

The woman who teaches the course, Jane Ubell-Mayer, ”explains that every successful goodie bag must have three essentials: the Wow factor (a BlackBerry), the Oh My God I Need That factor (Bose headphones) and the Filler (candy, pens, gift certificates, makeup).” Post writer Farrah Weinstein also recounts tales of Lohan, Marisa Tomei, and Andy Dick behaving badly in their quest for free stuff.

Somehow, the Post story makes me feel a little less sorry for ”Celebrity Psychos,” New York magazine’s wildly speculative cover story on the meltdowns of the famous set and the paparazzi who feed off them. The piece is packed with doozies such as this one, from a psychologist who notes that ”the same thing happens to celebrities that happens because of war, because you’re in the middle of disaster, terrorism.” Um, what? What?

(Excuse me for a minute while I stick my head out of my office window and scream uncontrollably.)

There. All better now. At least New York‘s cover — with Tom and Katie in matching straightjackets — is amusing. What do you think?

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