By Michael Slezak
Updated July 13, 2005 at 06:03 PM EDT

I know how you’ve spent your Sunday nights this summer: locked in the fetal position on your couch, slowly rocking back and forth, drenched in a cold sweat. But you are not alone. I have been there, too, suffering the crushing effects of Desperate Housewives withdrawal. But fear not, America. The doctor is in the house, ready to provide a soothing I.V. drip of domestic drama.

I speak, of course, of Dr. R. Kelly, who, according to MTV.com, unveiled chapters 6-10 of his urban opera ”Trapped in the Closet” last week at Chicago’s Esquire movie theater — even acting out the words to one of the chapters. (Does that mean he mimed it? Edgy!) Word on the street is that R.’s already begun shooting the accompanying videos, so how com ABC hasn’t stepped up and option Trapped in the Closet as a weekly summer series?

I mean, for starters, it’s got a great title, and it apparently takes R. an average of 11 minutes to write each episode, so we wouldn’t have to cope with the rerun-itis that plagues Housewives. Plus, if the producers can land Nicolette Sheridan in the role of the enigmatic Roxanne, and promise some occasional mime work, Trapped could make Dancing With the Stars look like Rodney.

Seriously, would you tune in to Trapped in the Closet, the series? Or would you pull a Mary J. Blige and sing, ”No More Drama”?

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