By Michael Slezak
Updated July 08, 2005 at 07:40 PM EDT

I haven’t uttered a coherent word — or had a coherent thought — before 8 a.m., since, oh, 1998, so it’s hard for me to determine if David Lee Roth would make a good replacement for Howard Stern as Infinity Broadcasting’s man in the morning. But SteppinOutMagazine.com‘s Chauncé Hayden, a frequent Stern guest, says it’s a done deal, according to a story in Billboard magazine. That said, Billboard also notes ”Infinity execs have repeatedly made it clear that they are not looking for a singular personality to succeed Stern.” (But are they looking for a single personality?)

Anyhow, while Infinity execs reportedly (wait for it) jumped for the former Van Halen singer’s on-air audition at WZLX in Boston, I’m not one to trust the opinions of a bunch of stuffed suits. Your opinions, dear readers, are an entirely different story.

So check out a 30-minute(!) audio clip from Diamond Dave’s audition broadcast. While Roth is eminently quotable (”Masturbation is only dirty depending on where your other hand is,” for example), is he really the man for the job? Listen as he holds forth on topics like Sammy Hagar, the death penalty, Palestine (I swear), and, er, moral values.

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