By Michael Slezak
July 01, 2005 at 05:50 PM EDT

It’s great fun to watch Katie Couric play the dotty old aunt getting educated about pop culture by those crazy kids from VH1’s Best Week Ever, but on this morning’s Today, it was Couric who made the most salient point about R. Kelly’s new 16-minute, five-chapter single and video, ”Trapped in the Closet.”

”What is this?” she asked. (Well, Katie, I’m not exactly sure either, but to quote Gwen Stefani, this s— is bananas, B-A-NA-NA-S.)

Seriously, if you’ve got the stamina to read all five pages of lyrics, then it’s worth taking the emotional (and melody-free) journey of Rufus and Chuck, Cathy (a.k.a. Mary), Roxanne, a diligent traffic cop, R.’s narrator, and all their cheatin’ ways. For the uninitiated, here’s a sample of R.’s scintillating wordplay:

He said, ”You’re my wife sleeping behind my back.
And now I come home and you got him in the closet, how extreme is that?”
And she said, ”But she’s a he!”
And he said, ”Please, you can’t judge me”
She said, ”But this is crazy!”
And I said, ”Stop arguing!”

Brilliantly ambitious opus, or worst song in the history of, oh, ever? Weigh in now!

addCredit(“R.Kelly: Johnny Nunez/”)