By Amy Ryan
Updated June 20, 2005 at 05:15 PM EDT
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Credit: Tom Cruise: Dave Benett/Getty Images

A series of events could likely scare our top stars into becoming hermitsbehind their security-gated homes. C’mon people, our bold-faced names area scarce and precious resource. You don’t want to turn them all intoGreta Garbos, do you?

Tom Cruise, who is known for spending hours signingautographs for fans, got squirted by a trick microphone at the London premiere of War of the Worlds. It might be good for a cheap laugh, but is it really funny?

Similarly, while JanetJackson may never be able to attend any public function again without hearingsnickers, you can’t blame her for her resigned response to Alan Cumming’s jibe that she was never one for controversy. As she accepted a humanitarian award on Saturday, she said simply: ”My family andI have just gone through the least humorous chapter of our lives. I’m going toleave the jokes to the late-night [comics], if that’s OK.”

Plus, there was the decidedly not-funny slashing of Leonardo DiCaprio with a beer bottle.

Show some tact and discretion. If you must confront a celebrity, please just walk up to them and say, politely,”Excuse me, Mr. Travolta, but I’d like my $10 back for having to sit throughBe Cool.”

addCredit(“Dave Benett/Getty Images”)

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