By Michael Slezak
Updated June 17, 2005 at 08:08 PM EDT

The House Appropriations Committee okayed a bill to slash PBS’ funding by 25 percent, and that means today’s lesson on Sesame Street will focus on cost-cutting. Because I believe that children are our future, I’ve compiled a few penny-pinching ideas to save Sesame Street. Pitch in with your own list, too. Do it for the kids.

1) Replace The Count with Count Chocula. C’mon now, it’s not like knowing your single-digit numbers is some kind of special skill set, and most toddlers won’t be able to tell the difference between these two characters anyway. Not only that, but product placement is hot, people, and if you hadn’t heard, kids love chocolate. This one’s a no-brainer.

2) Bring in the Teletubbies! Midway through each of their episodes, these colorful cats yell, ”Again! Again!” and rather ingeniously replay the first half of the program. Tell me Tinky Winky, Dipsy, La-La and Po aren’t masters of maximizing a budget.

3) Swing the axe on that Grover dude. He’s not as cute as Elmo, he sounds like Gilbert Gottfried, and Sesame Street already has a zany blue creature in Cookie Monster. Plus, after decades in the business, his contract-negotiation skills put him up there with Kelsey Grammer, Ray Romano and the cast of Friends.

4) And while they’re at it, lose Baby Bear. I just don’t like the look of him.

Yeah, we know rumors of impending doom at PBS have circulated before, but this is the first time we’ve heard Rosita utter an unprintable word in Spanish!

addCredit(“Elmo: Larry Busacca/WireImage.com”)

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