Make Love!* *The Bruce Campbell Way

It’s a great, goofy what-if: Suppose stalwart B-movie star Bruce Campbell, of Evil Dead fame, found himself cast in a crucial supporting role in a $35 million A-movie rom-com starring Richard Gere and Renée Zellweger and directed by the peerless Mike Nichols. Well, if you’re Bruce Campbell spinning this story in your first novel, Make Love!* *The Bruce Campbell Way, you adopt a faux-Southern accent that no one takes seriously, run afoul of Colin Powell’s Secret Service detail while researching your character, convince Zellweger to ”stuff a few gel sacs into a larger bra,” and induce Nichols to amp up your scuffle with Gere into a full-on Hercules-and-Xena-style brawl. You also have so much fun spinning your own career into a hypothetical toilet that your readers hope Nichols is also reading and hungry for a new project.