By Michael Slezak
Updated June 15, 2005 at 11:11 PM EDT

My Britney & Kevin: Chaotic-induced hangover has finally subsided — what? don’t tell me you tried watching it sober! — and it’s allowing me to see last night’s season (or series?) finale in a less hateful light. Sure, during the show’s five-episode run, K-Fed never mentioned the existence of his young daughter Kori. Or the fact that Kori’s mom, actress Shar Jackson, was pregnant with his second child. And, okay, we did have to endure the portrait of Ms. Spears as some kind of enlightened being with deep thoughts to share about love and motherhood. (Do they think we forgot her 55-hour union with Jason Alexander?)

But let’s pour the Haterade down the sink, shall we? I’ve managed to come up with five reasons I’m thankful for Britney, Kevin, and their fascinating car wreck of a reality show.

1) I’m thankful I have a mother who would literally beat my ass if I ever tried to sell my wedding video to UPN.

2) I’m thankful that America did the right thing, and largely ignored Chaotic. Mediaweek.com reports the show pulled in a paltry 2.1 million viewers for the season finale, only half the audience garnered by a rerun of Hit Me Baby One More Time over on NBC. (That’s gotta hurt — getting beaten by a show that stole its title from your hit song…)

3) I’m thankful that I’ve never been to a wedding where the groom used his teeth to pull down the bride’s garter belt.

4) I’m thankful that I’m not Britney’s assistant, Felicia (scroll down), whose employment seems to hinge entirely on her ability to express wonderment and delight at Britney’s every inane utterance.

5) I’m thankful that I didn’t see K-Fed sing, dance, or rap during Chaotic‘s brief run — because you just know that somewhere down the road, it’s gonna happen, and it won’t be pretty.

Okay, people, hop on the Positivity Express, and list the reasons you’re thankful for Chaotic.

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