TV's funniest quotes from June 1 to 8 -- We pick our favorite quips from talk shows and sitcoms

By EW Staff
Updated June 13, 2005 at 04:00 AM EDT

”$250,000 would definitely change my life. Just because I would have more money to spend.”
SCARLET, A BEER SPOKESMODEL ON BEAUTY AND THE GEEK

”I want him to see someone on the street who’s beautiful and say ‘You know what? She might wear a retainer to bed’ or ‘You know what? Like, that girl might have just pooped her pants.”’
ERIKA, DISCUSSING EFFORTS TO DE-GEEK HER PARTNER, JOE ON BEAUTY AND THE GEEK

”Yes, I am a virgin. No, I’m not saving myself for anyone.”
JOE, WHO’S NEVER BEEN ON A DATE ON BEAUTY AND THE GEEK

”Because I’m so busy with the Dukes of Hazzard fan club, I have trouble meeting women.”
BILL, THE VP OF THE DUKES OF HAZZARD FAN CLUB ON BEAUTY AND THE GEEK

”Ari, you carry about as much weight as Lara Flynn Boyle”
MANAGER ERIC (KEVIN CONNOLLY) TO MEGALOMANIC AGENT ARI (JEREMY PIVEN) ON ENTOURAGE

”Slavko and Ricardo are prima donnas. They’re also very late, but I think that’s because they get stuck in the bathroom trying to lick their reflections off the mirror.”
AUSTEN, DISSNG TWO OF HIS VAINER FELLOW CONTESTANTS, ON KEPT

”All we do is live in a bunch of different moments. You’re the first person that I have, like, had a lot of belief in moments.”
BRITNEY SPEARS, SHOWING HER PHILOSOPHICAL SIDE TO KEVIN FEDERLINE, ON CHAOTIC

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