The 10 hottest topics for the week of May 20, 2005

Dalton Ross’s Hit List for the week of May 20, 2005

1 PAULA ABDUL POKES FUN AT HERSELF ON SNL Welcome to the party, Paula! You’ll find a wealth of material at your disposal. Might I suggest you begin with the Emilio Estevez era?

2 GEORGE LUCAS RECEIVES CANNES FILM FESTIVAL TROPHY Although the accompanying inscription (”Congrats — now can we finally stop with all that midi-chlorian BS?”) probably could have used a little massaging.

3 TEXAS LAWMAKERS VOTE TO BAN SEXY CHEERLEADING ROUTINES Right on, Texas! I always felt that whole two-four-six-eight thing smacked of orgy innuendo.

4 STARBUCKS REFUSES TO SELL NEW SPRINGSTEEN CD Reports conflict as to whether it was due to racy lyrics, corporate politics, or the Boss’ refusal to call a large coffee a ”venti.”

5 MONSTER-IN-LAW OPENS Personally, I think it’s J. Fo’s biggest stretch since Funhouse Fitness: Swamp Stomp.

6 SAN FRANCISCO MAYOR CHATS FOR 15 MINUTES WITH COLDPLAY ON THE RADIO After proclaiming himself a big fan, he was invited by the group to their concert, which he then proceeded to skip in favor of an art soiree. Flip-flopper!

7 KFC CHAIRMAN INVITES A PROTESTING PAM ANDERSON TO LUNCH ”ANYWHERE, ANYTIME” Really? Even Popeyes? Man, this guy will do anything in the name of plump breasts. . .chicken breasts, that is.

8 THE COMMISH ON DVD Chiklis before he went all ”street” on us.

9 NEW STUDY SHOWS THAT SMOKING POT CAN LEAD TO GREATER RISK OF MENTAL ILLNESS Whether that comes from the pot or the accompanying bags of Funyuns and Police Academy marathons, however, is still open to debate.

10 ENTERPRISE FINALE AIRS That clicking noise you hear is millions — OK, hundreds — of Trekkies setting their phasers to suicide.