Dalton Ross's Hit List for the week of April 22, 2005
The 10 hottest topics for the week of April 22, 2005
Dalton Ross’s Hit List for the week of April 22, 2005
1 THE AMITYVILLE HORROR OPENS Definitely the second-scariest film in the Ryan Reynolds canon after Van Wilder.
2 ANNA NICOLE SMITH BECOMES GOSSIP COLUMNIST ”You just have to read it and see,” she said at a press conference. ”It’s going to be very exciting. The column is new, so you’ve got to read it and see. It’s all new. It’s new and exciting. . . .It’s all new. . . .It’s great. You’ve got to read it and see.” (I think I just did.)
3 BILL RANCIC GETS ONE-YEAR CONTRACT EXTENSION That’s what happens when your possible replacements chew tobacco and try to talk gangsta like Lil Jon. Job security at its best.
4 COOKIE MONSTER TO CUT DOWN ON SUGARY TREATS Sellout! It’s not like you even have teeth, so what the hell are you worried about? You’re a monster, for crying out loud — live a little!
5 SALMONELLA OUTBREAK LINKED TO CONTAMINATED TOMATOES See, you don’t get that from cookies!
6 SAN DIEGO ZOO PANDAS GAO GAO AND BAI YUN MATE That Gao Gao is such a playa. I can just hear him now: ”Hey, mama, wanna come check out my bamboo?” Smoooooth.
7 GENE SIMMONS TO TEACH KIDS HOW TO ROCK FOR NEW VH1 SHOW Step 1: Lots and lots of makeup. Step 2: Tongue extensions. Step 3: Should you ever be inclined to ”put the X in sex,” please refrain from writing a song about it.
8 DYNASTY ON DVD You suddenly want to slap someone, don’t ya?
9 AUSTRALIAN MAGAZINE LISTS NICOLE KIDMAN AS SECOND-WEALTHIEST AUSSIE PERFORMER IN 2004 Although it must be a bit tough to be bested by a band who sings about a dude named Captain Feathersword. Damn you, Wiggles!
10 PENÉLOPE CRUZ NAMES CHARLIZE THERON AS BEST ON-SCREEN KISSER Meanwhile, Gene Simmons just ditched his kids to go buy every remaining copy of Head in the Clouds.