By Scott Brown
Updated March 28, 2005 at 05:00 AM EST

You might be an idiot if you’ve dismissed Jeff Foxworthy as a mere redneck. In fact, he’s an insanely rich redneck, which is what happens when you are the best-selling comedy recording artist of all time. He’s also hosting the 2005 CMT Music Awards on April 11, which seemed like reason enough to sit down over the cracker barrel and serve him a big helping of some honest-to-goodness Stupid Questions.

Growing up, when you asked your mom, ”Can I be a redneck?” would she say, ”I don’t know, can you?”

No. She’d say, ”May you be a redneck? Because you is one.”

I might be a redneck. But I’ve been out of my native South for a while. How can I re-redneck-ify?

Well, the first thing we have to do is buy you a truck. I’m sitting in the Kroger parking lot in a Ford F-250 turbo diesel. Then we’ve got to remove all your shirtsleeves. Then maybe we’ll throw some beverage cans at signs.

While on the set of Blue Collar TV, do you address costars Bill Engvall and Larry the Cable Guy as ”my crackaz”?

No, but I think we’re going to start.

Can — sorry — may I call you ”my cracka”?

Yes, you may, my cracka. You know, originally my publishers didn’t want to use the word redneck. They said, ”Could we just say, you might be a bubba?” And I said, No.

You were recently roasted by Comedy Central. Wouldn’t it have been more culturally sensitive for them to deep-fry you?

I think they did deep-fry me.

Must’ve stung. Ever wake up feeling Fox. . .unworthy?

Not since they created Viagra.

Both Haley Joel Osment and Jonathan Lipnicki got a start on your ’90s sitcom. There’s no question here — just stunned silence.

We all knew Haley was the most talented person on the set. He used to walk around saying ”I see bad actors.” And that was the same year the New York Post voted me worst actor on TV.

You launched Jeff Foxworthy’s Backyard Bar-B-Que restaurant. When you play Kenny Rogers Roasters in the Star-Driven Restaurant Spin-off Softball League. . .should I go on?

I think I only lost about four or five thousand dollars on that thing. Comedians should stick to comedy. We did do a drive-by mooning of Kenny Rogers Roasters once. Never took credit for it, though. I don’t want to offend Kenny because, you know, he has a lot of money.

Define tarnation — and use it in a sentence.

Before I do that, I think I’d have to send a royalty check to Yosemite Sam.

For your people, is The Dukes of Hazzard movie going to be like The Passion of the Christ? Wait, for your people, The Passion of the Christ was like The Passion of the Christ. . .

We’re just now getting tired of Smokey and the Bandit. There are theaters down here that are still showing it.

Your colleagues seem obsessed with your mustache. Is it because, pound for pound, dollar for dollar, it’s richer and more successful than they’ll ever be?

I think they’re intimidated by it, and the testosterone it takes to create one like this. And because they can’t grow one of such strength and courage.