On a special Valentine's Day episode of ''Desperate Housewives,'' Bree prepares to bring the pain, and Mike shows he's dying to spend time with Susan

By Jeremy Helligar
February 13, 2005 at 05:00 AM EST
Desperate Housewives: Bob D'Amico
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”Desperate Housewives”: The mysteries of love

I love Susan?s relationship with her daughter. Wasn?t it just weeks ago that Susan, up in arms over the girl?s budding romance with the creepy boy next door, forbade her from seeing him again? And now, there she is, confiding in her teenage daughter as if she were an old girlfriend, saying how much it scares her that her new love interest wants to procreate. It?s nice that there is one normal kid on Wisteria Lane, one who isn?t talking back to a parent, slugging a parent, or stealing potted plants from a neighbor?s front porch. It?s perhaps the one relationship on the show that is simply a fact of onscreen life and not a plot device.

It may also be the only one that?s not based on secrets and lies. Think about it. Even this episode?s great subplot, the witch of a neighbor who secretly has a heart of gold, qualifies. Among the ongoing story lines, take Bree and Rex. They have been married for how many years, and only now he reveals to her that he likes it rough — very rough? Then there?s Gabrielle, no longer bedding the boy toy but still not coming clean to her hubby about what really went down between her and the underage gardener. (Which reminds me: What?s up with Mama Solis? Is she still in a coma?) And now there?s even more mystery surrounding Mary Alice, or whatever her name really was. In a way, it?s strange that this mystery has been given so much screen time. After all, Mary Alice killed herself in the very first episode, so we viewers didn?t have time to build up any sort of relationship with her. So it?s asking a lot to expect us to be overly concerned about what really went down there — or if Dana even existed.

Personally, there are other mysteries that I?m more interested in having resolved. Like what secrets Mike is keeping from Susan and what lies he?s been telling to cover his tracks. (Going off topic for a moment, fans of General Hospital, another ABC soap, may have noticed that last week Jason Morgan took a bullet in the very same spot as Mike.) The lie about accidentally shooting himself was so outrageous it?s a wonder he would expect Susan to believe him. If he had indeed innocently shot himself, what would have stopped him from going to the doctor immediately afterward, rather than waiting until he had practically bled to death during Valentine?s dinner?

Ah, the mysteries. And what?s this big secret that Lynette?s husband told his dad last episode? Is he a philanderer? An alien? A woman? And if Gabrielle is so strapped for money that she has to work at the makeup counter in a department store, how was she still able to afford a maid? And why are Bree and Rex suddenly acting again like a married couple with merely a little sexual problem — even sleeping in the same bed? Weren?t they supposed to be estranged?

And the biggest mystery of all: With all these pressing questions waiting to be answered, why are people making such a fuss over whether Bree?s portrayer, Marcia Cross, is gay or straight?

What do you think? Has Carlos forgotten he has a mother, or are the producers hoping we’ve forgotten? Are too many of the plotlines wrapped around Mary Alice? Do you need some answers now, or are you enjoying being mystified?

Eva Longoria Parker, Teri Hatcher, Marcia Cross, and Felicity Huffman star in the soap set on the dangerous Wisteria Lane
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