with...Tori Spelling

She’s a former star of Beverly Hills, 90210, the daughter of a mega-moneyed television producer, and a reigning queen of TV movies (Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?; Co-ed Call Girl). Now Tori Spelling will add another telepic to her résumé with the Hallmark Channel’s Family Plan (Feb. 12), in which she plays a sweetly deceptive cookie-company employee. Perhaps it’s time to whip up a batch of Stupid Questions to see if Spelling can keep from crumbling.

You starred in another Hallmark Channel movie, an update of A Christmas Carol, as a Scrooge-y talk-show host. If you had to title your career like an episode of The Jerry Springer Show, what would it be? It’d be ”Blond, Rich, and Terribly Misunderstood: The Tori Spelling Story — ‘I did it all on my own… Okay, with a little help from Daddy.”’

In one TV movie you Sleep With Danger, and in another you Awake t Danger. Is there anything you won’t do with danger? Another TV movie with that in the title.

If you could have Brandon’s sideburns, David’s rap skillz, or Steve’s ‘fro-mullet, which would you choose? The rap skillz. I don’t think the sideburns would look too good on a girl. My hair gets frizzy as is; with a ‘fro-mullet on top of that, I would just have huge hair. It would be pretty funny to see a Beverly Hills white girl with mad rap skillz.

You’re working on an NBC sitcom pilot in which you play a version of yourself. In real life, you live in the same building as Farrah Fawcett. Would it be safe to say that you’ve already found your ”wacky neighbor”? It would be right on the money. Some people go next door and say, ”Can I have some sugar?” I’m going to go next door and say, ”Hey, will you be on my NBC sitcom?”

The Spelling manor supposedly contains a bowling alley, ice rink, doll museum, and several rooms just for wrapping gifts. Was there also a room where you could get a tan off the rays emanating from the piles of gold bullion? I thought you were going to ask if there was a room with a tanning bed. I can make the call right now and make it happen.

You recently said, ”We have a pug named Mimi La Rue…. She…loves to wear clothing. So, she’s always in a different dress. I’m serious. Are you aware that your dog doesn’t actually love to wear outfits? No, I’m not aware… She has a little set of drawers in the apartment, so she hears those doors open, she comes screaming down the hallway and twirls around until you put her clothing on.

Back in 1994, you were one of my first celebrity interviews, but I was so nervous, I forgot to turn on my tape recorder. Do you remember what you said so I can finally file that story? I probably said, ”Yes, I can act. Just because I’m on my father’s show doesn’t mean that I don’t have acting chops.” Then I probably said, ”No, I don’t live at the Spelling manor.” ”No, I don’t shop every day.” ”Yeah, my father has billions but I’m working really hard right now.” ”No, I’m not anorexic.” And then I probably just giggled a lot.