In an eye-candy battle on ''The Apprentice,'' Jen and Sandy's tight tops beat Ivana's dropped skirt

By Whitney Pastorek
December 03, 2004 at 05:00 AM EST
Apprentice 2: Eric Liebowitz
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  • TV Show

”The Apprentice”: Ivana’s bad booty call

Oh yeah, I called it, kids: Spazvana is finally gone, glory be. And she went out with such class and grace and style, didn’t she? Dropping her skirt for $20 in front of the New York Stock Exchange because the other two women (whom she accused of dressing like ”hookers” from a ”cheap beer dive in Texas”) were selling more candy bars than she was? Saying ”Look . . .” approximately 47 times in the boardroom? I liked it when she claimed she was smarter than Kevin but literally couldn’t speak English for a minute there as he rattled off his fancy degrees — she just stared into the middle distance and finally came back with a total burn of, like, ”That’s just education.” (Ivana, for the record, holds a B.S. from UVa.) (Heh-heh. B.S.)

Maybe my favorite part was when Trump asked Ivana why she should stay. All she could think of to do was whine some intelligence-free verse along the lines of ”Because . . . look! Because . . . [sigh] . . . I . . . But . . . Jen sucks, too!” As Carolyn would say: genius. Buh-bye, Vonzie!

And at last, it came down to logic, cold and hard: ”This is someone who’s gonna run one of your companies, period,” said Carolyn, referring to Spazvana’s skirt-dropping ”gimmick.” For some reason George liked it, and I think maybe it’s because George caught a glimpse of Spazzy’s ”bikini shorts” and liked what he saw. Way to play it old school, George! You the man! But oddly, George also hit the nail on the head: It was all about where he put the emphasis in ”You sold a candy bar for $20?” Nope. In the end, all the Best Gap Manager Ever could think of to do was sell herself.

(Note: Jen and Sandy were selling themselves, too, in a way, but not for $20, even though there was arguably a hell of a lot more to see there. Plus they had a cute name — the M&M Sisters — and glitter cream.)

But just because the last truly despicable character left at the end of tonight’s Very Special M&Ms Commercial — in which the task was to unnecessarily watch over the making and packaging of some candy bars and then sell them for the biggest profit — it doesn’t mean we should neglect the glories to be found throughout the entire episode. Maybe it’s because my Apprentice-watching buddy Al is in Cancún (bitch) and so I haven’t had any wine, but I thought tonight was just chock-full of nummy comedy gold. I swear, my relationship with this damn show is so love-hate I think I should be dating it. Some things that are making me consider taking it out for dinner and a movie:

But then there were the moments that made me want to delete this show from my cell phone and pretend like I dropped the phone in the toilet so I wouldn’t have to explain why I never call anymore:

Oh, wait. She got fired, right? Never mind! I wanna date this show!

WHO’S GOING TO WIN? My Odds on the Final Four

Kevin Smart, successful, and stealthy in a Kwame-esque manner (and not just because he’s the token black guy). No Omarosa in sight to trip him up, but I’m pretty sure she’ll come back to the show if the price is right (um, $50 and a sandwich?), and so we can never rule out that sort of total wild-card implosion. 5-1.

Kelly Cocky and balls-out in a Troy-type way. Too militaristic by half. Trump unlikely to pick another white guy as the winner. 10-1.

Sandy Did I mention her eyes are weirdly beady? She’s got the Bill Rancic Memorial Lack of a College Degree — wait: Bill has a college degree? Then why did he let her compare herself to him? — but she’s nowhere near as good at managing tasks and also does not have an Amy to do most of the work for her behind the scenes. And unlike Omarosa, Amy probably ain’t coming back. 20-1.

Jen Was referred to as both creative and a fantastic salesperson tonight. Previously described by the Dearly Departed Raj as ”analytical, calculating, and beautiful . . . a deadly combination.” Knows better than to unnecessarily make herself Project Manager. Generally acts, dresses, and thinks the most like a grownup. Even though she is a bit of a fembot. But hey. Not all robots are evil. 3-1.

What do you think? When Ivana got fired, were you happy, elated, or ecstatic? And who is your pick to win it all?

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  • 01/08/04-04/15/04
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