As the Four Horsemen continue to ride herd on the girls, ''Big Brother 5'' distracts us with hair chat, T-shirt-swapping twins, and same-sex tub action, says Lynette Rice

By Lynette Rice
July 23, 2004 at 12:00 PM EDT
Lori Valenti: Tony Esparza

”Big Brother”: The Horsemen ride herd on the girls

Man, these chicks are so weak. Scott was being ridiculously generous in the diary room when he called Lori a threatening ”queen” — which led to her 7-2 ouster over Karen in last night’s eviction ceremony. What exactly did this clone of Lisa from ”BB3” do over the last three weeks? Keep her hair shiny? Maintain good coats of lip gloss? No, but the yoga teacher did win $10,000 during the first food competition — which all but secured her early eviction.

How she was ever deemed a threat by Scott and Jase beats the heck outta me. Maybe it’s because she never bathed with boys — something Holly and Cowboy Mike seem curiously eager to do. (I gotta admit, the sight of Cowboy scurrying to the bathroom to hop in the tub with Scott is now one of my all-time favorite ”BB” moments.) Like Mike’s, her ouster was not entirely unexpected; she had been seen begging her housemates for an early eviction.

Yet her departure only weakens an already lame alliance of gals who seem to care more about their short skirts than their long game. Where’s the evil and manipulative Allison from ”BB4” when you need her? (Getting her ass kicked off of ”The Amazing Race” in the second week, that’s where!) Diane — why do you let that scumbag Scott get you down, girl? The guy’s a stupid ape, and yet he easily brings you to tears by calling you trailer trash! This from a guy who lays a huge turd in the toilet and then tries to show it off to the other houseguests. (I kid you not, people — visit the ”BB” chatrooms on and ask anyone who was unfortunate enough to see the Internet feed.) Surely, Diane, you can figure out some way to top the trailer talk.

But the gals seem to have no fight in them — which opened the way for Drew to win the head-of-household competition and give Scott and Jase one more reason to believe in the power of the Four Horsemen. I hate Scott and Jase, and yet I’m strangely drawn to them at the same time. Maybe it’s because of discussions like the one that occurred last night in the bathroom. Scott: ”Marvin is OUT next week!” Jase: ”What a dumbass.” (Jase pauses when he notices a black wand in Scott’s hand.) Jase: ”Is that a crimper?” (Scott nods.) Jase: ”Cool!” Excellent stuff, man.

Okay, back to the chicks. There is some serious estrogen power brewing in the mighty Adria-Natalie duo, but the identical twins have got to play it like the low-key floaters they are so they can survive to week 5, when they can both enter the house for good. So I predict Diane and galpal Will are next on the chopping block — though Marvin could have reason to worry, judging by Scott’s earlier declaration. Fortunately, Marvin’s got his eyes open wide when it comes to the duplicity of the Four Horseman. As he said in last night’s diary room, ”Anybody in this house, you can’t trust ’em as far as you can throw Star Jones after Thanksgiving Day!” Amen.

Was this week’s ”BB” a feast or a turkey?

Julie Chen hosts as the houseguests battle it out.
  • TV Show
  • 20
  • TV-14
Available For Streaming On
Complete Coverage