By Jim Mullen
Updated March 05, 2004 at 05:00 AM EST

Jim Mullen’s Hot Sheet for the week of March 5

1 THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST Don’t watch Pat Robertson’s show before seeing this. He keeps giving away the whole ending.

2 ACADEMY AWARDS It’s weird to see showbiz millionaires fighting over little gold-colored statues. Makes you wonder if they’d do a movie for some glass beads and trinkets.

3 ROY DISNEY/MICHAEL EISNER Walt’s nephew is leading the charge to make the current CEO step down. Seems he wasn’t happy with Disneyland’s newest ride, Dump Roy.

4 RALPH NADER The man who lost a 2000 presidential bid by 101 million votes is running again. They call Howard Dean crazy?

5 DONALD TRUMP The real estate magnate has become a TV star for saying ”You’re fired” on The Apprentice. Firing unpaid apprentices. Some guys have all the fun.

6 DIRTY DANCING: HAVANA NIGHTS This ”reimagining” of the original takes place in pre-Castro Cuba. ”Is that a Soviet-supplied weapon in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

7 IPOD MINI The ultra-tiny $249 MP3 player had more than 100,000 advance orders. It’s money people saved by downloading CDs off the Internet last year.

8 STUTTERING JOHN Howard Stern’s sidekick will become the new announcer for The Tonight Show. Overcoming the handicap of being Howard Stern’s sidekick.

9 COLORADO FOOTBALL PROGRAM Allegedly luring high school players with the promise of easy sex and booze. And an expenses-paid bachelor’s degree in thugology.

10 SUMMER RENTALS They say to rent those vacation houses now or all the best spots may be gone. As if we could afford the best spots. Or even a vacation.