this week with...Chris Noth

By Josh Wolk
Updated February 20, 2004 at 05:00 AM EST

As Sex and the City’s Chris Noth prepares to hang up his Mr. Big boxers for good, he’s also plotting a return to law and order: He stars in TNT’s dramedy Bad Apple (Feb. 16 at 9 p.m.) as an undercover FBI agent in love with his informant’s sister. So what better time to bust him with a few stupid questions? — Josh Wolk

In Bad Apple, you make out with a woman while the two of you are chained together in a warehouse. Will Kim Cattrall see that and say, ”Been there, done that”?

She’s way past that, pal.

When you work on the Sex and the City set, do you ever complain that nobody leaves the toilet seat up?

I’m always at the urinal. Which also means I never have to wait.

After college, you built a cabin in Vermont where you would write poetry. Did you come up with any good rhymes for ”There once was a man from Montpelier”?

Pelier, nearier, who fed deer…that’s a tough one. Why couldn’t you say ”a man from Brattleboro”? How about ”…who said with a grin, let me feel yer”? Is that revolting enough?

Okay, Mr. Poetry Expert, I found this haiku on a Chris Noth fan page: ”Nothing permanent/Castles of sand dissolving/Can’t save every grain.” Please critique.

I think the only poetry that person needs is some lithium, Prozac, and maybe some Ritalin.

Isn’t it nice knowing that if somebody doesn’t believe you were on Law & Order, you can turn on the TV at any time of day and prove it?

The only time I turn on Law & Order is when I have insomnia, and then I can watch myself and immediately doze off.

L&O creator Dick Wolf is known for cycling through many attractive cast members. Who do you think is hotter: Fred Thompson or George Dzundza?

I’d like to see those two in bed together. With George on top.

You’ve played a lot of cops. When you were in the TNT miniseries Caesar, did you have to resist the urge to play good centurion/bad centurion with Brutus?

Brutus was a wimp, let’s face it. I just breathed on him after eating raw garlic and he fainted.

You brought back your L&O character, Det. Mike Logan, for a TV movie, Exiled. Any chance of a miniseries about your 1985 Another World character, Jimmy the Hit Man?

Ah, Jimmy the Hit Man! I had one line, and I said it every week in a different order: ”Ewing, where are the drugs, give them to me!” The next week was ”You don’t give me the drugs, Ewing, you’re dead meat!” The next week was ”You’re dead meat, Ewing. Give me the drugs!” It was three years of training at Yale School of Drama that got me through those two months.

After arresting someone every week for five years on L&O, when you picked up dates, did you always make them sit in the backseat, like a perp?

All my dates were former perps. I always made sure I had handcuffs, too. It’s more exciting.