By Jim Mullen
Updated February 06, 2004 at 05:00 AM EST

Jim Mullen’s Hot Sheet for the week of Feb. 6, 2003

1 AMERICAN IDOL The worse the contestants, the higher its ratings. It’s no talent show, it’s a no-talent show.

2 SUNDANCE Thousands of movie movers and shakers watch hundreds of indie films in 11 days. So you won’t have to.

3 BEER OR SHIRAZ? NBC will run three episodes of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy against the Super Bowl. What do you call men who like to hang out with other men? Sports fans.

4 THE PERFECT SCORE A movie about high school students trying to steal SAT answers. So they can go to business school and learn how to steal millions.

5 J. LO & BEN Jen’s publicist confirms it’s totally and completely over. Not the cameras up their butts, you big silly, just their romance.

6 JIMMY DEAN The company founder has been dumped as the spokesman for Jimmy Dean sausage because, he says, they want a younger, hipper image. Yeah, like a vegetarian.

7 HARRISON FORD It’s rumored that the divorce settlement with Melissa Mathison cost him $118 million. Pretty much answering the question ”Will there be an Indiana Jones IV?”

8 ART GARFUNKEL The ’60s singer got arrested in his limousine for possession of pot. Let’s hope he gets the help and counseling he needs to get a less conspicuous ride.

9 OSCAR CLICHES ”It’s an honor just to be nominated by your peers.” ”It’s not me they’ve nominated but the entire cast and crew.” ”I really deserve this. Whoops, did I say that out loud?”

10 THE SALVATION ARMY The charitable organization got a $1.5 billion donation from McDonald’s heir Joan Kroc. They’d have gotten more but they ran out of kettles.