R, 92 mins., 2003 (Artisan)
If the Scream and Scary Movie franchises hadn’t made it fairly impossible to lens a straight-faced thriller, the lackluster box office performance of two recent non-ironic terror-in-the-woods potboilers, Cabin Fever and Wrong Turn, has destined the genre to the small screen. Here, newlywed Mitch (Kip Pardue) persuades his sun-kissed bride, Julianne (Tara Reid), to honeymoon at his family’s country house. He doesn’t tell his nonswimming sweetheart that it’s a shotgun shack perched on a tiny island in the middle of a gigantic swimming hole, and that he’s a psychopath who has no intention of ever letting her leave. Let the woman-in-danger histrionics begin. EXTRAS Paltry, and as forgettable as the main event, though hardcore Reid fans may enjoy ogling her in a making-of doc.