Kathy Griffin, self-proclaimed D-lister, talks about her Best Plastic Surgery award, the ''Average Joe'' finale, and more

By Liane Bonin
December 05, 2003 at 05:00 AM EST
Kathy Griffith: Robert Mora/Getty Images/NewsCom
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Plastic surgery is no laughing matter, unless you’re Kathy Griffin. Earlier this year ”Entertainment Tonight” filmed the ”Average Joe” host cracking wise while undergoing an extreme makeover that included liposuction, Botox injections, hair straightening, and six other cosmetic procedures.

Now she’s up for a Funniest Plastic Surgery statuette at the Commies, Comedy Central’s first annual awards show (Dec. 7, 9 p.m.). EW.com talked to Griffin, 43, about postsurgery drain, who’s crying now on ”Joe,” (the finale airs on NBC Mon. at 9 p.m.), and why she’s proud to be on the D list.

How does it feel to be up for a Funniest Plastic Surgery Award?
It’s VERY prestigious. And I’m going to have my Oscar moment if I win.

Why undergo so many procedures, especially when you had near-fatal complications from a 1999 liposuction?
The doctor who did my lipo the first time was a total idiot. He was really an eye guy, and that was the problem. But the doctors who did me this time around were good. And honestly, I didn’t do as much as I did the first time around. I know it sounds like a lot, but it really boils down to a brow lift and teeth veneers. I did get a skin peel that was really major, but it’s not like it hurts to get my hair straightened.

Any regrets?
It’s very painful to undergo surgery, and I hate it when people act like it’s nothing, because it’s not. My husband had to drain me at least three days in a row. And I’m sick to death of people — and I do mean waiters — coming up to me and saying, ”I loved her curly hair.” It’s like, Hey! I’m right here, I can actually hear you.

As a self-described average Jane, did you feel sympathy for the men on ”Average Joe”?
I really liked them! I’m still in touch with all of them. We clicked because I don’t even have an inner geek, just an outer geek, and all of these guys admit that about themselves, too. Okay, a couple of them think they’re mack daddy players, which is uncomfortable. But most of them know they’re geeks and try to work it to their benefit.

How did you relate to ”Joe” bachelorette Melana Scantlin?
She was so wanting to put her best foot forward, but I kept trying to shake her and say, ”Cut the s—, honey. You wouldn’t give these guys the time of day off the show.” But she said, ”Oh no, I might!” And I don’t know if she really would in the real world, but you know what? She does on the show. She really does.

Any guess about who might win on Monday’s finale?
Let’s just say it’s going to be an emotional roller coaster. It’s so funny. On the show, Malena never cried as much as the guys. They were constantly sobbing, and she would occasionally well up. The men were so much more emotional.

As the winner of ”Celebrity Mole: Hawaii,” are you planning on watching the second competition, set in the Yucatan (ABC, premiering Jan. 14)?
I can’t wait. Dennis Rodman is in it, which means they’re going to have to use subtitles because you can’t understand a word he says. It’s going to be so juicy. But I’d never do another ”Mole” myself — I’m taping a Bravo special that airs in March and writing a sitcom for NBC called ”The D-List,” based on my life as a D-list celebrity. I’ve got other things to do.

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