Jon lies -- as usual! -- and the women believe him! And that leaves Sandra as the only logical choice for Dalton Ross' official endorsement

By Dalton Ross
Updated December 04, 2003 at 05:00 AM EST
Survivor Pearl Island: Robert Voets/CBS

Jon lies — again! — and the women believe him!

There’s this guy who lives down the street — steals my newspaper every morning. Yet, he just promised me he’ll never do it again. Then there’s this other fellow who smacks me in the jaw each day when I get on the train. He says it’s a thing of the past. And then there’s my 3-year-old son. He never eats his vegetables. But now he insists he’ll have double helpings of peas and carrots every single meal? including breakfast! You know what? I believe them all! You know why? Because my name is Christa! No, I’m sorry, my name is Darrah! Hell, I’m Christa AND Darrah!

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH THESE WOMEN?!? How many times must Jon lie and deceive these morons before they wake up and smell the Sanka! Darrah sat there and told us ”I know he’s not sitting here lying to me about going to the final two.” (I remember these words well because they’re the only ones I’ve understood out of this woman’s mouth all season.) Guess what, sister? HE IS! Meanwhile, Christa seemed convinced that Jon was telling her the truth because he swore on his grandmother that she would be going to the final four. Guess what, sister? HE WASN’T! His grandmother isn’t even freakin’ dead! And now you’re gone, off to some hotel to mend your bug bites and hang with that depressed-looking jury.

Outside of Johnny Fairplay seemingly having every woman hypnotized under some sort of second-rate spell, there wasn’t a whole lot going on this episode. I’m not really a fan of the cameras lingering too long on those luxury getaway type things. I don’t watch ”Survivor” to see people wearing silk pajamas and eating fresh fruit. I like to see them getting nibbled on by rats while soaking to death. Maybe that’s just me.

I guess having the contestants firing off pirate muskets was kind of cool, although it was slightly disturbing watching Probst show Christa the best way to fire the weapon. He looked just a LITTLE too comfortable with a gun in his hands. (Yo, Jeff, leave the AK-47 at home next time you visit the EW offices, OK?) And how BUMMED was Christa that her third shot (which would have won her immunity or at least a tie with Darrah) hit that wooden bar instead of her target. I wasn’t bummed, though, because if she had been saved, then Sandra would have most likely gone, and we can’t be having that.

Sandra is really the only person left to root for. Sure, Jon has been entertaining (you have to give him that — ”Survivor” needs its villains to be compelling), but do you really want that clown walking away with a million dollars? I’m not even sure his grandmother does. Darrah might be the most boring ”Survivor” contestant to ever make it this far.

And then there’s Burton and Lil. Bringing them back in the game was exciting and all, but every week they stick around is another week to ponder the long-term ramifications of their return. Should someone who has already been voted out be able to end up the ultimate Survivor? I certainly don’t think so. So I’m rooting hard for Sandra. Whether she’s calling out her own shortcomings (”Whenever I hear wet and water, that’s awful for me”) or dissing Fairplay (”Jon is just like a girl”), she’s making me laugh, and not in an over-the-top evil way like curly over there.

So there you have it: Sandra gets the official Entertainment Weekly endorsement from here on out. (So official, in fact, that I just made it up.) Who are you rooting for to win?