Heidi Klum reveals Victoria's secret while answering EW's stupid questions about the V.S. fashion show, her bag of baby teeth, and, yes, umlauts
Heidi Klum
Credit: Heidi Klum: Scott Wynn/Retna

Demi cup. Strapless. Second skin satin. Need we drop more hints? Okay, fine: Lots of smokin’ models wearing next to nothing! Yes, it’s time for ”The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show” (airing Nov. 19 on CBS), which will feature some naughty catwalking by German cover girl Heidi Klum, 30. But can she smile and beguile her way through a few stupid questions? Brace yourself for a sense of impending Klum.

Some critics feel that ”The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show” objectifies women and is inappropriate for network television. Are those critics just bitter, ugly people who wish they were hot like you?
Yes. If you can’t take it, just switch the channel, you know?

When you’re wearing the Angels wings on the runway, do you ever get confused and think you can actually fly?
I don’t get confused — I know that I can fly.

I’ve read that you keep a bag of your baby teeth with you for good luck. That’s kind of creepy.
Well, I don’t, like, advertise it. No, I did show somebody once and it fell under the seat and the flight attendant came over and he’s like, ”Can I help you?” and I was like, ”Yeah, I’m just looking for my teeth.” And he’s like, ”Oh.” I had to find it — it’s not good luck if I leave the tooth on the plane.

You guest-starred on ”Malcolm in the Middle” as a toothless hockey player. Why didn’t you just use your bag of baby teeth for the hockey player?
I don’t know. [Pause] That’s a good question. I didn’t think about that. But they never let me rewrite the stuff. They always think that they’re so much funnier, all these writers.

You’ve been quoted as saying, ”I would love to do a movie with Jim Carrey, something where we just have fun and make faces.” Besides your hot face, your sexy face, your hot-sexy face, and your sexy-hot face, what faces can you do?
I can do scary faces. I can do ugly faces…But he never called.

Did Mötley Crüe steal an umlaut from your name? And if so, how do you plan on getting it back?
Who did you say stole my umlaut?

You’ve never heard of the band Mötley Crüe?
No, sing me the song.

”I’m on my way/Home sweet home!” Or ”He’s the one they call Dr. Feelgood!/He’s the one that makes you feel all right!”
[Silence] I’ve never heard of that.

Yeah, they were heavy metal. Sort of.
Well, it was good that you tried.

You once said: ”My breasts don’t have any message to send. They just have to fit into my bra and that’s that.” If they did have a message, what would it be?
They would probably say [rambling in German for five seconds].

What the hell was that? Are you going to translate for me?
No. This was the message of my breasts, but it also was Victoria’s secret. You should never let that secret out.

The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
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