November 14, 2003 at 05:00 AM EST

”Violent crime is way down in New York City. In fact, the only way to be assaulted now is to marry Liza Minnelli.” DAVID LETTERMAN ON LATE SHOW

”You know what I find as weird, kind of, Ally? People pay money for clothes, okay? But shouldn’t it be, like, a free necessity like water — because you need it?” PRIVILEGED TEEN JAIME LEE GLEICHER TO SHOPPING PAL ALLY HILFIGER ON MTV’S RICH GIRLS

”Dad, those eyebrows are out of control!” SETH (ADAM BRODY) TO DAD SANDY COHEN (THE HIRSUTE PETER GALLAGHER) ON THE O.C.

”Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston traveled to the Middle East to try to bring Israelis and Palestinians closer together. And it seems to be working, because Israelis and Palestinians keep going up to each other saying, ‘What the hell are they doing here?”’ CONAN O’BRIEN ON LATE NIGHT

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