What you won't see on TV this fall. From MacGyver to Heather Locklear's new show, these pilots never had a chance of getting off the ground


MacGyver (1985 TV series)

Now that the networks have announced their fall shows, Hollywood’s littered with the corpses of pilots. Were they unjust sacrifices or mercy killings? We (along with some anonymous Hollywood insiders) look at some high-profile rejects.

MACGYVER (The WB, from the original series’ exec producers) Jared Padalecki (”Gilmore Girls”) defeats bad guys in a new version of the ’80s/’90s drama. INSIDER SAYS ”Padalecki saving the world? Please.” BOTTOM LINE Some action heroes are better left for dead.

TOUCH ‘EM ALL MCCALL (NBC, from ”The Days and Nights of Molly Dodd”’s Jay Tarses) Tom Selleck is ex — baseball player Touch McCall, back home in Oregon managing a farm team. INSIDER SAYS ”Awful.” BOTTOM LINE A character calls the homecoming a ”last stop on the ‘I used to be somebody tour.”’ Or is he talking about Selleck’s career?

UNTITLED JENNY MCCARTHY COMEDY (ABC, from ”Two Guys and a Girl” Don Beck) McCarthy is a socialite forced to work after Daddy’s jailed for insider trading. INSIDER SAYS ”She’s charming. The show, not so much.” BOTTOM LINE McCarthy deserves better than this, in which her character is referred to as a ”check-bouncing ho.”

MR. AMBASSADOR (NBC, from ”Mad About You”’s Victor Levin) Rupert Everett plays a flighty British ambassador to the U.S. INSIDER SAYS ”Ill-fated from the start to cast Rupert Everett in that role.” BOTTOM LINE You know it’s bad when an openly gay actor plays a straight man who refers to J. Lo’s butt as ”absolutely delightful.”

NO PLACE LIKE HOME (Fox, from ”Party of Five”’s Chris Keyser and Amy Lippman) Teen couple marries after her mom (Rebecca De Mornay) threatens to move the cash-strapped clan. INSIDER SAYS ”Painful.” BOTTOM LINE But it might have hurt so good to see a serialized drama in the vein of ”My So-Called Life.”

ONCE AROUND THE PARK (NBC, from ”Dave’s World” writer Donald Todd) Heather Locklear considers reconciling with her exto the despair of their kids. INSIDER SAYS ”It’s hard to see Heather as a mom, even though she’s old enough.” BOTTOM LINE We prefer you in miniskirted catfights, kitten!

MacGyver (1985 TV series)

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