The Thorn Birds remains one of Chamberlain’s greatest achievements, yet he devotes just six pages to its production. What’s more, he ekes out a mere 334 words on his ”all-time favorite job,” headlining the 1978 play Fathers and Sons. Oh, and the much-hyped revelation that he’s gay? Like every other important milestone in his life, Chamberlain writes about it in the most evasive manner. He uses this fusty attempt at a memoir to wax hyperbolic about costars ”luminous” (Joan Crawford), ”stupendous” (Dixie Carter), and ”gorgeous” (Raquel Welch) — and, even worse, to spout spiritual hooey like ”I think every atom of existence is sacred.” You’ll find more enlightenment in your corporate gym’s yoga classes.