By Caroline Kepnes and Emily Mead
Updated May 02, 2003 at 04:00 AM EDT

DORIS ROBERTS Are You Hungry, Dear? Life, Laughs, and Lasagna (St. Martin’s, $24.95) Roberts spins such a great tale of tough relationships, a waterskiing accident, and geriatric sex that we can’t goof on her talking out loud to her inner child, ”Little Doris.” CHEESE FACTOR High-fat recipes and handicapped Uncle Willy will induce heartburn. EGO FACTOR ”So I’m not Joan Crawford…. But I didn’t look that bad.” CAREER LOW In the ’50s, a producer chases her onto the casting couch. B+

JANE SEYMOUR Remarkable Changes (ReganBooks, $24.95) After overcoming fallen arches and a speech impediment, Seymour had a hit TV show, four kids, and three near-death experiences. CHEESE FACTOR Any problem can be fixed by knitting, housekeeping, or painting watercolors. EGO FACTOR ”Like me, [Madonna] is not afraid of change.” CAREER LOW At 15, she embarks on a ”mutual crush” with a London show’s male lead — prompting fellow chorus girls to strip her and dump powder on her. D+

BERNIE MAC Maybe You Never Cry Again (ReganBooks, $25.95) Mac traces his bumpy rise from Chicago’s South Side to Hollywood with characteristic candor. Even after he’s been beaten up, laid off, and booed off stage, the former fry cook still can’t believe his luck. CHEESE FACTOR Bernie idolizes his tough-lovin’ mama. (The book’s last line: ”Thank you, Mama. I love you with all my heart.”) EGO FACTOR Remarkably, none to speak of. CAREER LOW An emcee tells him, ”Come back when you’re funny, kid.” B+

CARL REINER My Anecdotal Life (St. Martin’s, $24.95) Why is this man so insecure? He married his first love at 22 and succeeded as a playwright, screenwriter, actor, and director. (Doubters need only read the excerpts of glowing reviews he generously includes.) CHEESE FACTOR Alternate title could be Chicken Soup for the Borscht Belt Soul. EGO FACTOR ”To make you understand why I seem to be an insufferably pompous ass…” CAREER LOW My Anecdotal Life. C — Caroline Kepnes and Emily Mead