Chicago: David James
April 25, 2003 at 04:00 AM EDT

My friends and I were watching Bandits. In walks this guy holding a Furby doll, and he and his friends sit in front us. Throughout the film, they passed around a glass bottle filled with God knows what and played with his Furby. They got pretty drunk and rowdy, so my friend leaned over and whispered in the Furby guy’s ear, ”Do you have any idea how much I can get for your kidney on the black market?” And that was that. — Germain Lussier

At a sold-out Chicago showing, we sat next to a woman with a sleeping baby in her lap. When the baby woke up, she changed its diaper right there. — Tina Jordan

I went to see Talk to Her and a guy several rows in front of me stood up to scratch his butt. To make this easier, he lowered his sweatpants and underpants. Completely. My row watched in horror. He stopped scratching and sat down. Then, two minutes later, he got up and did it again — the full moon. ”Hey, stop showing us your ass,” someone yelled. The amazing thing was, he looked really hurt. — Mark Harris

At Road to Perdition, the man next to me translated the entire movie into Spanish for his date. — Eileen Clarke

During American Pie, the guy in front of me narrated everything that happened into his cell phone — up to and including ”Yeah, he’s on the pie. Yeah, he’s sticking it in the pie. Oh man, he’s f — -ing the pie! He’s totally f—ing the pie!” — Scott Brown

Remember Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me? Behind me were two people — one male, one female — who sounded like a coked-up commentary track: ”Omigod, did you see that?” ”Yeah, that was so cool. David Lynch is a god.” ”Whoa, who’s that?” So I turn around and say, ”Could you please shut up?” The girl hit me on the back of the head. Once, quickly. — Noah Robischon

When I saw Pretty Woman, I sat behind a bunch of Crips. Or Bloods. They were really digging it, and things reached a peak when Julia Roberts and Richard Gere went on their shopping spree. When the obsequious salesman came on screen, the guy in front of me yelled, ”That’s some funny s—!” and fired a gun into the ceiling. Twice. We were all very quiet for the rest of the movie. — MH

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