The Bachelorette: Craig Sjodin
January 16, 2003 at 05:00 AM EST

Lovely Trista just keeps getting better

”Joe Millionaire” turned into a boring loser this week and ”Star Search” became simply unwatchable, but our girl Trista just got better. Sure, it seems like we’re headed for a Trista minibreakdown every week, but who cares? She’s the best reality show contestant since Elisabeth Filarski. I want to dislike her, as I did Alex and Aaron, but I can’t! Maybe I’m getting soft in my old age, but I want the girl with the annoying giggle to find true love.

Of course, with these guys it’s not going to be easy. Let me just say that it’s official: Men are gross. At least, men who sign up for a find-your-wife game show are. Hello — your fraternity houses closed their doors years ago. Try to make it through a day without waxing poetic about flatulence. And in the case of Ryan, just try to go through a day without waxing poetic PERIOD. Hallmark cards look like friggin’ T.S. Eliot next to this freaky firefighter!

At least Jack, who said ”The gas here is so bad it could sober up everybody,” didn’t get himself a rose. Maybe he’ll have more time to drink himself into a stupor so his buddies can carry him outside. Isn’t MTV already producing ”Fraternity Life”? Memo to Jack before he tries to date again: If you’re gonna get wasted like that, don’t let all your buddies tell the girl about it 24 hours later. And while we’re giving dating tips, Brook, try not to tell the girl you think she’s ”shallow” if you want her to ask you out again.

Was Trista shallow for not wanting to date Brook because of his horses? Maybe. But I have a hunch his double chin, partial mullet, and lame personality had a little something to do with it also. Not that any of us could be faulted for ditching a horse man. Men should only own dogs. No cats. No fish. No birds. No horses. Dogs, guys. That gets the ladies.

Let’s look at the other guys who have a chance of getting this lady: Greg apparently plays the guitar and sings and ”will get down if the music is right.” He doesn’t have a shot. Charlie is a total hottie who seems to be Trista’s favorite (plus, all the gossip rags are reporting that he’s the final one!), so he’s a definite contender.

Bob is funny and all — well, at least we’re supposed to think he is — but everyone knows the funny guy never gets the girl. There are no words for the absurdity of Ryan’s little rhyming message to Trista, but she seems to be easy on the cheesy guys, so he’s in. Mike doesn’t register on any level to me. Rob’s black suit (not to mention his horrible facial hair) should have eliminated him from the game, but though he isn’t gone this week, he’s out next for sure.

Jamie is definitely the hottest of the bunch, but he and Trista have negative chemistry. He’s only around long enough to be eye candy and then it’s sayonara. And Russ? The guy must chill out. He’s borderline stalker. I think he’s headed for a Christi-esque breakdown. Now THAT will be must-see TV.

What did you think of the second episode?

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