A rundown of the year's biggest bombs -- From TV shows that stunk to movies that sunk, here's a wrap-up of 2002's clunkers
As far as crap-tacular entertainment goes, 2002 really, really stank. Where were the tantalizing tankers of the past — those ”Glitter”-y guilty pleasures that made last year so unforgettably forgettable? Still, even without a ”Town & Country”-caliber debacle, there were plenty of punchline-worthy projects. Here, a rundown of letdowns:
HYPE John McTiernan’s much-delayed $80 million remake of the 1975 sci-fi action flick.
SAD TRUTH It shoots, it snores with a paltry $19 million gross and a near-instant replay on home video.
LESSON LEARNED If you combine the jocks of the X Games with the Glocks of ”XXX,” it still adds up to plenty of zzzzzzs.
HYPE Madonna and hubby Guy Ritchie attempt a remake of the Italian dramedy about a mismatched pair stranded on a desert island.
SAD TRUTH The film drifted from theaters after a mere three weeks.
LESSON LEARNED When it comes to creating vanity projects, Guy Ritchie is the new Madonna.
“LEAP OF FAITH”
HYPE Four sex-obsessed Manhattanites yak it up in a sitcom that bears no resemblance whatsoever to a certain HBO hit.
SAD TRUTH NBC’s latest post-”Friends” fiasco took a flying leap after only six episodes.
LESSON LEARNED Viewers won’t commit to a half hour of lousy ”Sex.”
“THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS”
HYPE Jay-Z and R. Kelly team up for a chart-busting duet album and coheadlining tour.
SAD TRUTH Kelly is accused of sex acts with a minor (he pleaded not guilty), the tour is canceled, and the album barely reaches platinum.
LESSON LEARNED Hip-hop fans like their artist contemplating bling bling, not Sing Sing.
HYPE David E. Kelley returns to the TV courtroom with a trio of legal lasses.
SAD TRUTH This ”club” was disbanded by Fox after two episodes.
LESSON LEARNED Even without the dancing baby, people can spot an ”Ally McBeal” rehash when they see one.
HYPE In the aftermath of the dismally received ”Invincible,” Jackson sets out to play the part of a normal guy.
SAD TRUTH Delivers an incoherent (and universally dismissed) racial rant against Sony Music head Tommy Mottola; convinces himself he’s been named MTV’s Artist of the Millennium two years into said millennium; and tops off the year by dangling his infant son from a hotel balcony in Germany.
LESSON LEARNED Parents should never — repeat, never! — push their kids into show business.