Gag Reflex

David Cross — the non-bob half of Mr. Show With Bob and David — just released a double CD of stand-up comedy, Shut Up You F — -ing Baby!, on Sub Pop (his girlfriend suggested the name after enduring Cross’ endless self-flagellation over his own title ideas). We had the acerbic Show man step down from the mike, told him some uncredited jokes, and left him to guess the comedian and laugh or heckle away. — Josh Wolk

— I would have sex with a horse. Because it’s a beautiful animal, and when you have sex with a horse, you know you always have a ride home. (Insomniac host Dave Attell)

(Laughs) It’s almost got Seinfeldian overtones, but that’s not it. Jackie Mason? It’s Dave Attell? I was gonna guess him, damn it! He’s one of the funniest stand-ups in history. I’ve got a gig with him soon, and I said, ”I gotta open, ’cause I can’t follow him.”

— My children think that my mother is the most wonderful person on the face of this earth, and I keep telling them, ”That’s not the same woman I grew up with. You’re looking at an old person who’s trying to get into heaven now.” (Bill Cosby)

I don’t know, but that’s funny. Ray Romano? Oh, Bill Cosby? Wow. I really liked his double album when I was a kid. But it’s hard to separate his bulls — -, strident anticursing, keep-the-material-nice-for-the-nice-people attitude from what he does.

— You can’t do anything with anybody’s body to make it dirty to me. Six people, eight people, one person — you can do only one thing to make it dirty: Kill it. Hiroshima was dirty. (Lenny Bruce)

Lenny Bruce. A huge influence on me. I never thought he was that funny, but it’s ignorant to judge him just on the comedy. He was doing schlocky Catskills clubs and said, ”I’m not gonna do this anymore.” He was one of the first stand-ups/performance artists.

— You gotta be a Jew, lady. You’re the only one with a stole on, and it’s 105 degrees in here. You’re either a Jew or an old beaver in heat. (Don Rickles)

Don Rickles. I saw him in Vegas. I didn’t expect to laugh so hard, but he was damn funny. He does a show.

— [He] grew up in Detroit, Mich. He comes from good stock. I grew up in upstate New York. I come… (Ventriloquist act Willie Tyler and Lester)

…from wood stock. I was with you the whole way. I have no idea. (After being told) Jesus, that’s bad. There’s a reason some people play cruise ships.