1 JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE The ‘N Syncer has cut his first solo disc. He wants to show he can get by on his own looks and his own dancing.
2 WINONA’S TRIAL She told security she wasn’t shoplifting, she was researching a part for a movie. A prison movie.
3 THE ROLLING STONES The band will star in promos for the NBA. Because what screams ”basketball” more than elderly white British musicians?
4 THE SANTA CLAUSE 2 Tim Allen has to stop a takeover of the North Pole by an evil clone who doesn’t like children. Please, don’t give away the ending.
5 THE LOVE BOAT The ship of TV lore is taking its final cruise. The owner has to sell it as part of a divorce settlement.
6 I SPY Secret agents Eddie Murphy and Owen Wilson trade wisecracks and catch the bad guys. Unlike real secret agents, who just trade wisecracks.
7 ROCK THE HOUSE A VH1 show where rock stars come to your home and redecorate. ”You’ve done wonders with the groupies’ bedroom!”
8 ELECTIONS May the richest candidate with the fewest negatives and the best rapid-response team win.
9 1940s HOUSE A modern family lives without TV, cell phones, videogames, and the Internet. After two months their IQs go up.
10 CHRISTINA AGUILERA With her new CD, Stripped, the 21-year-old is picking up where Madonna left off. By taking off what Madonna left on.
11 THE 36TH ANNUAL CMA AWARDS The prize you win for turning country music into pasteurized pap with all the soul of a warehouse shopping club. Congratulations.
12 RUDY! They’re making a film about the former mayor of New York City in Canada. From the people who brought you The Wayne Gretzky Story starring Bernie Mac.
13 THE WILL An in-the-works reality show in which family members compete to win a rich relative’s money. Isn’t that what normally happens?
14 NEW YORK CITY MARATHON About 30,000 will start the race. That night at singles bars, 60,000 will say they finished it.
15 THE LORD OF THE RINGS A film company is building a hobbit village in Norway to shelter fans who wait days for tickets to the sequel. Can’t they just wait in their shrinks’ offices?
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