Erin gets tossed -- But otherwise, nothing really happened in this weak episode of a weak season, says Dalton Ross
Erin Collins
Credit: Erin Collins: Monty Brinton/CBS

The episode where nothing happened?

Okay, the point of these ”Survivor” wrap-ups is for us to all talk about the events of the most recent installment. That presents a little problem for this column considering that, as far as I can tell, NOTHING happened in this week’s episode. Man, talk about boring. I thought Mark Burnett’s slick move of having the tribes live together without merging would generate some well-needed tension, but wow, was I wrong.

Outside of some discussion over questionable urinating habits, these two groups seem to be getting along just peachy. Which is great if you’re presenting a program about peace, love, and harmony. But people who want to see that watch PAX, not ”Survivor.” I mean, you know things are slow when the most memorable moment involves a monkey stealing noodles. (They could’ve at least shown us Jake breaking the chicken’s neck on camera. And don’t you PETA types get after me. The chicken’s dead either way, whether you show it or not, so just show the damn thing.)

I actually thought the immunity challenge of blowing air through a bamboo snorkel underwater could’ve been interesting? had most of the contestants not surfaced after less than 20 seconds. What was that all about? Who can’t hold their breath for 20 seconds? And they didn’t even have to hold their breath either. I’m sure this challenge was harder than it looked, but still, that performance was pretty weak, and, like I said, one should be able to hold out for air for more than a PITIFUL nine seconds, like Penny. (Go ahead, try it…. See, wasn’t that easy?)

Another thing I don’t understand about that challenge: Why did Helen choose to sit out? ISN’T SHE A FREAKIN’ NAVY SWIM INSTRUCTOR?!? That reminded me back of the good ol’ days of ”Survivor” I, when river guide Kelly Wigglesworth lost a canoe race to a guy AFRAID OF WATER! Ah, the memories.

Unfortunately, I don’t think Thailand is providing the same indelible images. Now Erin’s gone, and other than two prominent assets, I’m not really sure what she brought to the show anyway. Seemed like a nice enough gal, as much as nice enough gals get obscene breast enhancement surgery. What I’m saying is, she didn’t seem offensively dumb or annoying like boobalicious Sara from ”Marquesas,” but at the same time she didn’t really make much of a (nonphysical) impression either. Much like this whole season.

Where do you think Thailand ranks among the five ”Survivor” seasons?

Survivor: Thailand
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