Staff writer Gillian Flynn isn’t a gamer, but she is a huge Tolkien geek. We asked her to spend a few hours with Black Label’s Xbox game The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. Remember, she’s not a gamer.

”I had visions of attacking orcs as Aragorn, or casting spells as Gandalf. Unfortunately, as Frodo, I must first use my logic and cunning to leave the Shire. But thinking is hard: So I busted up Bilbo’s hobbit hole with my walking stick. Then I ran into his hearth. (Fire hurts!) I was scolded. (Wusses.) Outside, I got stung by bees, fell out of a tree house, and landed on a farm. Once there, I couldn’t seem to stop picking up pigs. And so my hero’s quest ended thus: me, still in the Shire, slightly dazed, fondling pork.”