Jed is voted off -- The doctor is out... of luck, says Dalton Ross, in a ''Survivor'' episode that gets both down AND dirty
Jed Hildebrand, Survivor: Thailand
Credit: Jed Hildebrand: Monty Brinton/CBS

Dr. Sleepalot is voted off — good riddance!

This is why we love ”Survivor.” Where else on the planet can you find licensed throat choking. And not just licensed, but full-on ENCOURAGED! Who in the name of Mark Burnett thought up that bizarre reward challenge? It was incredible, from Ted head butting that Tommy Lee wannabe Robb in the crotch (Robb later claimed that ”Big Teddy wasn’t so big.” Funny, Robb, I hear he’s saying the same thing about you.) to little man Clay having the life choked out of him.

Now don’t get me wrong, skater Robb attacking someone half his size and twice his age (a ”weak little whiny? backwoods hick” is how he described him) is reprehensible on many levels, but damn, it was fun to watch! In fact, I taped it and watched it back eight times in a row! No joke. (What exactly was that yelp that emitted from Clay’s mouth as he was being man-handled anyway?) Now Burnett may say he had no idea it would get so brutal, but what do you expect when you dub something ”The Attack Zone.”

Of course, this drama was nothing compared to what was going on at Tribe Honk Kong Phooey (yeah, yeah, I know–Chuay Ghan). Now, ”Survivor” has a history of overhyping feuds in its ads, but this, people, was no joke. As far as I can tell, this is what went down: First we had Ghandia claiming Ted (or, excuse me, ”Big Teddy”) was grinding her. Then Ted apologized for grinding her. Then Ghandia told the other women Ted was grinding her. Ted defended himself to the fellas, insisting he WASN’T grinding her. Then they had a big meeting where Ted said, yes, he was grinding her, but it didn’t matter because he wasn’t even attracted to the woman.

All throughout, I couldn’t help but wonder, what is Eric Neis from MTV’s ”The Grind” up to these days? I also couldn’t help but pity the poor Red Berets who stumbled into this madhouse. The only thing that would’ve made the whole situation even better is if they had actually captured the damn canoodling on tape. You just KNOW Mark Burnett fired the cameraman who missed that one.

Well, the folks in Honk Kong Phooey Ghan may be caught in the middle of a civil war of the sexes, but they at least bonded enough to win that boring-ass immunity challenge, where Dr. Jed sealed Sook Jai’s fate by flubbing the temple brainteaser. (What is it with dim-witted doctors on ”Survivor”? Paging Dr. Sean.) That, coupled with his lazy attitude and losing the team’s big fishing net got Dr. Sleepalot voted off. I say, good riddance.

Robb may be more of a jerk, but at least (for now) he’s more animated and fun to watch/hate. Jed just sat there being boring and trying to look buff. He succeeded on the first count, but not on the second. Maybe I shouldn’t dis him, though. After all, you never know when you’re gonna run into someone in? the Attack Zone.

Survivor: Thailand
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